Theme: “A Better Future.”
THE ROCKY HORROR PUPPET SHOW
With the national general election for US President just a little over a month away, we here at Boom Bap Radio thought it might be fun to look back at the conventions for the two major political parties that shaped the November race.
The convention for the conservative party wrapped up at the end of August in Tampa, Florida and just like any staged event, the audience was not allowed to see the folks who paid for the whole affair or those actually working the strings.
Ironically, the city of Tampa banned puppets from the downtown area during the convention. The decision angered some puppet-makers who felt it violated their civil liberties. Police claimed that puppets could be used to conceal weapons.
Oh, you’ll see where I’m going with this…
Where we may have seen it as a three-ringed circus, filled with a freak show fat-man, a lying-ass puppet with a growing nose, a conscience-less woman, an under-study for Moses, a robot and more, those who attended and admired from afar called it the RNC and commenced to pushing buttons and pulling strings like master puppeteers.
The Republican National Convention was held from Aug. 27 to Aug. 30, 2012 and left in its wake, events so entertaining and audacious that only the word “circus,” could describe them.
This one had all of the bells and whistles!
In fact, it had so much hot air, the National Weather Service had to deem it an authentic Gulf Stream hurricane, or was that “Isaac”? Well, either way, massive amounts of atmospheric hot air abounded inside and outside of the Tampa Bay Times Forum.
During this three day love fest, corporations masqueraded as people and ironically, the party represented by an elephant, featured things like a racist peanut toss at minority CNN camera people as well as the music of Kid Rock and BeBe Winans.
Despite failing to successfully employ the use of a hologram of St. Ronald Reagan as its emcee, things went off without a hitch, even though liberals expected the convention would be hit by a hurricane of biblical proportions. As is the way of the privileged, they dodged that hurricane like its candidate dodged questions about his tax returns.
So, without a proper carnival barker, this convention of stiff, old, Conservatives, featured everything but popcorn – so step right up!
Elephants, Dirigibles and a Fat Dude – Oh My
The convention began with a big bang!
That would be the sound of keynote speaker and rising GOP political star Chris Christie entering the convention hall and trudging across the stage. The impactful governor of the Garden State struck all of the normal chords in an almost 30-minute call to action that touted the “Jersey Comeback,” without of course mentioning the mythical epoch by name.
Instead he used catch phrases and fuzzy math that seemed to cut out the time period between 2000 and 2008.
He said the current state of the US economy was tied to the failed policies of the last 3 ½ years and of course failed to mention the Housing bubble bursting in 2007-8; the stock market crash, two wars or any of those things that caused the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression.
Spewing hot air and dialing up chants, Christie looked to spur his base with a folksy story and the regular trickle-down, austerity laced sabre-rattling that is the hallmark of the Party of No.
“We have become paralyzed by our desire to be loved!”
“Our ideas are right for America and their ideas have failed America!”
“Tonight I say – enough!”
Personally, I was surprised the “E-word” was in his vocabulary, but I digress.
Then he did his best mind reading routine and told everyone what Democrats were thinking and kept repeating his desire for a second American century or maybe it was a second helping of biscuits or cookies or ice cream or cake – I got so confused.
Evidently Democrats believe:
“The American people don’t want to hear the truth, they just want to be coddled!”
“Seniors will always put themselves ahead of their grandchildren.”
“They just want us to whistle a happy tune and then drive us off a fiscal cliff.”
Sounded to me like someone had one too many trips to the Boardwalk empire.
In the end, Gov. Soprano introduced, Mitt, “the man who will tell you the truth!”
Obviously he missed Mitt’s stance on Universal Healthcare, Medicaid, Medicare or all of those “re-sets.”
Pinnochio – Oooh Looks – His Nose Does Really Grows:
The second day of the convention was marked by Congressman Paul Ryan accepting the GOP nomination for vice president and then spinning into a lie-packed acceptance speech that even Fox News couldn’t love…no seriously.
The right-winged, Rupert Murdoch propaganda machine, we lovingly call Fox News and political contributor Sally Kohn actually said, and I quote: “Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech,” she continued. “On this measure, Ryan earned the gold.”
Maybe they are fair and balanced?
In any event, according to Fox News, Lyin’ Ryan, as we like to call him, told several tall tales, which did not include his 3-hour marathon run or PX-90 workout.
Launching into a fib-fest of mythic proportions, Ryan wasted no time in proving how, in just over three years, the current administration had ruined America’s prosperity.
He first blamed the downgrading of the US credit rating on President Obama and conveniently forgot the downgrade actually occurred because the Congress, of which he was a member, refused to raise the debt ceiling for the first time in US history.
Ryan then referenced the President’s role in the shut -down of a GM plant in Janesville, Wisconsin, where many of his “friends and former classmates worked.” It was true the plant closed, but it actually closed under President George W. Bush in December 1n 2008. It remained open into 2009 to finish out several special orders, but had already been shuddered.
Another fact that ran loose and free during the Ryan speech, was the recurring fib about the $716 Billion that the President is accused of cutting from the federal Medicare program. The dreaded $716 Billion Medicare cut actually represented savings in reimbursements rates, a line-item that was favored by the Congressman.
It was not difficult to see his strings nor was it hard to see his nose continued to grow during his presentation.
Met with cheers and adulation by the crowd of well-wishers, the fact that Pinocchio, I mean Ryan, was shown to be lying on major issues set the tone for more delusions on the convention’s second night and made me wonder why Gepeto didn’t just leave that piece of wood in the corner instead of carving it into a boy.
The Woman with no Conscience
Fresh off of being named one of two – count ‘em – two, women allowed membership at Augusta’s exclusive Ol Boy’s Club, Condoleeza Rice strode onto the stage on day two and with a fresh coat of lipstick on her teeth, ripped into the Obama administration for its failures.
In a speech that was hailed as the highlight of the convention, Rice, who was the only member of the previous administration to speak at the RNC, without conscience, painted a picture of the current administration as being without leadership, except when it comes to leading the nation to financial ruin.
“We cannot be reluctant to lead and cannot lead from behind,” said Condi of Obama.
She also, like the good little soldier we know her to be, continued the charge that unlike the Dems, The GOP is not envious of its neighbor and does not wish to engage in the type of class warfare that would see an end to Bush-era tax cuts or raise taxes on the wealthy.
Never mentioning any of the circumstances that led to our current economic state, including the housing bubble, use of hedge fund trading, or the two wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, Condi presented her endorsement of the GOP ticket without even a hint of the past.
In fact she had the nerve to state the nation has now grown tired of waging the wars that were started under her watch.
Makes you wonder, was this the same woman who said she cried when Barry O was first elected four years ago?
Is she the same woman who hailed his election as an “extraordinary step forward,” in race relations for America and said it made her “especially proud,” as an African-American?
Is she that same ride-or-die-chick who has backed all of the war efforts of the Bush era between her piano playing appearances on late night talk shows?
Aaah, yep…that would be her.
Not like anything silly like a conscience could get in her way or anything – Condi Rice is special.
She’s not only one of zero percent of African-Americans voting for Mittens and Lyin’ Ryan, but also a woman who plans to vote for the didactic duo, which appears to place her in the minority even among her own gender.
Early on seen as a possible vice presidential running mate for Mittens , the former Secretary of State seemed to enjoy her reserved seat among those who oppress the other 99 percent and I guess we shouldn’t be surprised.
She went shoe shopping during Katrina, speaks glowingly of the motivational value of the Jim Crow laws and unrepentantly defends decisions to invade Iraq and other W faux pas, despite being dumped on by higher cabinet crony Dick Cheney.
All is done with the type of earnest, forthrightness, that has become her hallmark and of course without even a subtle hint of a conscience.
The convention’s third day was highlighted by an appearance from Mr. hand-cannon himself, Clint Eastwood.
Eastwood, who is a Hollywood icon and hero to most Americans, decided to show his true colors and got all chair whispery on us. Speaking without a script and doing a faux ventriloquist act that used an empty chair as his puppet, Eastwood set his harangue to the theme of “I want to talk to Obama.”
Besides making my day with lines that ran contrary to the party line; like questioning why the federal detention center in Guantanamo Bay wasn’t closed yet or wondering why Obama didn’t consult the Russians on Afghanistan.
Umm Clint’s getting up there in years, so I guess he forgot the Reagan Doctrine and that Bin Laden worked with the CIA to rid the region of the Russians in the early 80’s.
Facts not with-standing, good Ol’ Clint rambled on and on and actually solicited responses to a range of kookie rhetorical questions.
Ann Romney, the possible first lady called it, “interesting…”
Kids on the internet and Twitter started a trend called “Eastwood-ing” where they posted pictures of people lecturing an empty chair and of course a Good Ol’ Boy in Texas got all carried away and hung a chair from a tree in his front yard in honor of the spaghetti western king’s presentation.
It was confusing and obtuse, but Clint said he had to get it off his chest, and the liberal world thanks him for his support.
I guess his speech is a public enough mea culpa, when you’ve pissed off your owners with an ad praising the Detroit auto bailout during the Super Bowl – bad puppet!
A Fully Automated Robot
The last part of this obvious marionette act occurred after Clint’s “unique” one-man-show, when candidate Mittens formally accepted the GOP nomination for President.
With a full head of steam, the “Romeny-bot 2012” was wheeled out in all of its glory.
Willard Mitt Romney accepted the nomination for President after a yearlong battle with any and everybody who wanted to represent the Grand Old Party.
Mittens droned on and on about what a horrible job The President has done in cleaning up the mess left to him, by the absentee torch bearer of his party.
I saw his mouth move and everything, but I actually couldn’t see the strings working him from behind. I guess that’s what you get when your donors are allowed to remain anonymous.
Be it Sheldon Adelson, the Koch Brothers, Karl Rove, Donald Trump or whatever Billionaire was laying out the cash to get their message out, Mittens delivered the speech of his life.
He somehow got the upper class and the Middle Class confused and stated he would not crush the Middle Class like that Obama had. Mitt also said he would return America to a place of prosperity, a place that evidently only Jimmy Carter and Obama missed out on.
The best part for me was when he begged the partisan crowd to not vote for Obama again.
Mittens then laid out his general and overly optimistic plan.
Everyone who wants a job will be able to find one. Every parent can know that their children will get an education that leads them to a good job; North America, including Canada? Will be energy independent in 8-years and all Americans will get the skills they need for the jobs of today and the future.
Seems like the only thing he left out was the gold-plated toilet seat and my friggin’ pony.
Then he got really loosey-goosey and said he would restrict Russia and come back to the bi-partisan leadership of Ronald Reagan and Harry Truman? I guess no one told Mittens that Truman and FDR were Democrats – huh?
Mitt finished his convoluted journey by of course mixing church with state:
“…I will uphold the constellation of rights that were endowed by our Creator and codified in our constitution.”
Um, were those rights sent to him right from the Planet Kolob or were they under the hay in the barn with the other “commandments?”
Could someone drop the balloons and cue the “USA, USA, USA” chant?
In the end, it was who wasn’t there that seemed to strike the loudest chord.
Let’s assume President Obama did do as bad a job as his rivals claim, one would suspect that bringing out the two-term GOP former president and his candidate would have been the best way to celebrate a job done poorly.
A victory lap for good ol Georgie W. would have been nice.
Cheney could have stroked a hairless cat and sucked on his pinky while Rummie donned a stylish eye-patch and answered to “Number One,” but none of this ever came to pass. Evidently they weren’t invited, despite “doing a hell of a job” from 2000 to 2008 – hmmm.
So it’s Romney/Ryan 2012 for the GOP, the first time in history two non-Protestants have run for the nation’s highest office and obviously a new day for those dark, shadowy, deep-pocketed forces that have remained almost anonymous for the last 35-40 years.
We can only hope that at the end of the day, this group rides off into the sunset like Clint in an old western or at least gets to lick its wounds in defeat at some remote location like “Hole in the Wall,” or at least the Koch brothers’ ghost town in Colorado.