The 2016 Douchey McDouche Bag of the Year
For someone who has already won the White House and the Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year,” how friggin’ snooty would we be to miss the opportunity to crown The Donald as our top prize winner?
Given his improbable rise to the top during 2016 you just knew something was a little funky and in need of a spritz.
What other type of person could become a presidential candidate, the GOP candidate and ultimately the President, while impugning his own character, as well as those of immigrants, women, talk show hosts and white supremacists?
Given those set of circumstances, it would be impossible to say Trump didn’t get the top honor in spades, as it were.
To put it another way, if you can scour the news and find someone more douchey than El Presidente, you’d better bring him to us fast, because this guy may be the biggest douche bag of the year and possibly of the 21st Century.
So buckle up your seat belt and make sure all of your vinegar and water mixture goes into the correct receptacle, this is Boom Bap Radio’s Douchey McDouche Bag of the Year Award for 2016.
It’s a time to laugh, it’s a time to cry.
Interestingly, Donald Trump is a fixture in the Tri-State area, but to be honest, I had no reason to really know who he was, until he became our President.
Most people in the Tri-State thought of Trump as a shady businessman, known for his bombast and the type of fleeting financial deals that often caused his business to go bankrupt at least six times. So familiar were we with “The Donald” and his antics, he lost his home state of New York as well as New Jersey and Connecticut enroute to the White House.
I guess familiarity really does breed contempt.
Now that he is officially #45, I had to look back and learn about how America’s new orange crush began.
I mean, I didn’t know he had more ex-wives than any President in U.S. history or anything about from which he came. I wasn’t exactly sure if he was hatched from a golden egg or set upon the area like a plague. As it turns out, his rise was a mixture of the two scenerios.
Trump was born in Queens, N.Y. to renowned New York City builder and real estate developer Frederick Trump and Mary MacLeod Trump on June 14, 1946.
Donald, the fourth of five, was always seen to be an energetic and bright child, who was sent off to the New York Military Academy at 13-years of age. All accounts appear that the move to harness his potential paid off and the witty Donald went on to become a star athlete, student leader and academic standout by the time he graduated in 1964.
In the summer, the privileged Trump worked with his Dad at construction sites for his business, which specialized in developing and operating apartments in Queens, Staten Island and Brooklyn.
After the Military Academy, Trump matriculated to Fordham University in New York before transferring to the Wharton School of Finance at the University of Pennsylvania in 1968.
After graduation, douchey Donald decided to go out on a limb and stick with the family business – the Trump Organization, which was worth millions.
In 1971 he moved to Manhattan and began the journey to become the mogul we all loved to hate. Convinced New York City would provide him with unheralded economic opportunities and earning potential in real estate, Trump became involved in large building projects in Manhattan. He honed in on many projects which would offer opportunities for earning high profits, utilizing attractive architectural design, and winning public recognition.
Just two years later, while still working for Daddy Trump, the Department of Justice under Nixon/Ford sued the Trump Organization for engaging in systemic rejection of black renters throughout its New York apartments.
After counter-suing and denying discriminating, the matter was settled in 1975 after the Trumps agreed to implement new policies that ensured that all tenants would be treated the same. Gone were the days of writing a “C” on the applications of Blacks, a practice Trump denied, but a Cincinnati superintendent admitted and then recanted.
By 1974, Trump’s Dad decided to hand his ambition son the keys to the castle and gave him a “small loan” to take over his real estate empire. During the campaign our douche estimated that gift at “just” $1 million, however more realistic estimates place his inheritance of Trump Org. somewhere in the neighborhood of $40 million, the same amount all ordinary Americans get from their parents.
Nonetheless, Trump did not sleep on his millions and was able to obtain a contract for the then 77-acre West Side Railroad Yards on Manhattan’s west side. A piece of the Penn Central Transportation Company, Trump used his family name to acquire pieces of the former company by the mid-1970’s.
Around the same time he bought what was the Commodore hotel near Grand Central Station. Later renamed the Grand Hyatt, Trump turned the hotel into a success and a legend began.
In 1977 the Donald settled down and married Ivana Zelnickova Winklmayr, a fashion model, who was a member of the Czech Olympic Ski team in 1968. Following the birth of Donald Jr. in 1978, the stunning Ivana was named vice president of design in the Trump Organization.
Ivana was later named veep in charge of design for the Trump Org. and took a strong role in the renovation of the Grand Hyatt. In 1988 Trump reportedly acquired the Plaza Hotel for $407 million and spent $50 million renovating it again under the watchful eye of his then wife.
He rented a site on Fifth Avenue next to Tiffany & Company. It later became the location for $200 million apartment-retail complex now known as Trump Tower when it opened in 1982.
Trump jumped into professional sports with his 1983 $5 million purchase of the United States Football League’s New Jersey Generals. The Spring time football league was soon done two years later when the New York business mogul pushed the short lived league to move its schedule to the Fall and go head to head with the more established National Football League.
With casino gambling now legal in Jersey, Trump stuck with the Garden State, but shifted his attention to Atlantic City casinos. He obtained his gambling license and all the proper permits and joined in a partnership with Harrah’s casino hotels and opened the $250 million complex in that same year as Harrah’s at Trump Plaza.
Four years later he bought out Holiday Inns in A.C. and renamed the facility Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino. Spreading the Trump brand in New Jersey, The Donald also built the $320 million Trump Castle and in 1990 he opened the Trump Taj Mahal.
In that same year, the New York real estate market took a hit and Trump began a legacy of miscues and screw ups that allowed him to remain in the millionaire’s Boy’s Club, but made his actual finances sketchy.
Trump’s income reportedly dropped from an estimated $1.7 billion to $500 million. The Trump Organization also allegedly required “yuge” loans to keep it from collapse and all of a sudden perhaps greed was not so good.
His marriage to Ivana crumbled in 1992 after a sloppy separation and by 1993 he was onto the next one. He married then actress Marla Maples about two months after the birth of their daughter Tiffany. He filed for a very public divorce from Maples in 1997, an action that became final in 1999.
However, 1997 was not all bad. The deal-maker recovered after bankruptcy and by 1997 was said to be have recovered his worth and was estimated at about $2 billion.
In 1999 Trump organized an exploratory committee aimed at his pursuit of a Presidential bid for the Reform Party. Formerly the party of GOP challenger Ross Perot, problems within the party sank Trump’s bid for the White House and the coming decade watched the billionaire ungulate between Democratic party concepts and Conservative philosophical political concepts.
It would be 6-years before Trump, then 58, would marry again. This time he enlisted the 34-year-old Slovenia born Melanjia Knavs, a model who sometimes worked in the buff as his latest piece of arm candy.
By the dawning of the 21st century, Trump appeared fully recovered from his “hard times.”
This newly re-invented Trump was dating Melania and began a new strategy from borrow and build to licensing out his gold-plated name for further profit.
One of his most surprising moves came in 2004 when Trump decided to license his name into the bourgeoning reality t.v. market with a show that would help to shape the genre – The Apprentice.
Initially reality TV was seen as low level entertainment, but once Producer Mark Burnett sold the show to Trump as a chance to showcase himself and the lavish lifestyle, our self-absorbed douche-in-chief found the offer irresistible.
He not only made the show work, but re-defined the genre by framing the show as the “ultimate job interview in the ultimate jungle,” and brought on perspective entrepreneurs competing to run one of Trump’s businesses.
The job paid an initial one-year contract of $250,000 to start and if you screw up – “You’re fired!”
Set in gaudy Trump Tower and themed with “For the Love of Money” from The O’Jays, I never watched this tug and fondle of a television show because I simply never cared about Donald Trump or anything he was doing. I was not in the majority.
Third-tiered celebrities were brought in later and the show was upgraded to The Celebrity Apprentice. Trump reportedly earned a whopping $214 million from 14 seasons on TV, but it was only a dress rehearsal for his future endeavors.
He and Melania were married in 2005 and soon he was selling his wares to wine drinkers, students of his real estate “university” and mail-order steak lovers.
By 2008, The Donald watched the country elect its first African-American President and we were forced to hear all of his thoughts. It helped to stoke the fires of “the Birther Movement,” that falsely accused the wildly popular Obama of not being born in the United States and therefore illegitimate.
Trump’s claims were augmented by crazies from the Tea Party Movement and despite verifiably being the kid of a Kenyan exchange student, Conservatives swore that Obama wasn’t only Nigger, but also a Muslim.
By the time Obama ran again in 2012, Trump was calling for his “long form” birth certificate – whatever that is – and offering to pay $2 million towards the President’s favorite charity to show it. Trump even imagined he had paid numerous detectives to investigate the President’s birth records in Hawaii and in doing so, nabbed our coveted monthly Douchey McDouche prize in the Fall of 2012.
With his new found “celebrity” Trump’s influence seemed to grow and he was seemingly everywhere. So successful was the goofy reality show that The Donald didn’t bounce until 2016, when he announced he was running for the White House.
Trump was replaced by body builder, actor and former Republican California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger for the show’s 15th season, once The Donald hit the campaign trail.
Who knew it was a prelude of things to come, because Trump, who had never run for office and supported Dems and Republicans alike, was to soon shock the world and run for the GOP candidacy in 2016.
Making America Great Again?
Using the element of surprise, Trump entered traditional politics in 2015 when roughly 18 Conservatives threw their respective hats into the ring.
With so many candidates in a process that is usually stayed and predictable, no one and I mean no one, not even The Donald, expected to him to win the GOP candidacy, let alone the actual presidency.
A contributor to Bill Clinton’s campaign in the 90’s, Trump was hardly taken seriously as a frontline Republican and furthermore he was not respected as a serious elected official, being that he never served anyone other than himself.
Sure he ran a successful empire and turned a NBC reality show into one of the hottest properties seen in the television market, but in an arena fraught with former and serving Congressmen, U.S. Senators as well as current and former governors, only Trump, former neurosurgeon Ben Carson and singing former businesswoman Carly Fiorina, lacked public service experience.
After plowing through the entire Republican field and dispensing of each candidate in one of the most brutal primaries in history, Trump emerged at the time of Republican National Convention as the clear leader of the pack. After alleging many of his more established “colleagues,” were worthless and weak, gaining the necessary support for a nomination seemed improbable.
However things changed almost overnight, and although hesitant and angry, all of the GOP stalwarts dropped their “Never Trump,” mantras and eventually kissed the ring of the raucous New York businessman.
Trump catapulted to the party nomination in a campaign full of one-liners, xenophobia and personal attacks that were base even by school yard standards. Yet his support among groups of people who had been marginalized as “a basket of deplorables,” by Democratic challenger Hillary Clinton and the lunatic fring by dyed-in-the-wool Conservatives, seemed to only strengthen by the time November of 2016 rolled around.
What happened next was pure American folklore.
Using the system created to ensure fair elections in our unique republic and by capturing longtime strongholds of the Democratic Party as his base, Trump swept to victory by grabbing 306 Electoral College votes but losing the popular vote by more than 3 million.
Almost as soon as he had learned of his victory, our Douche began drawing a thin red line between open white supremacy, Fascism, boss-ism, nepotism and the United States presidency. Facts and fiction began a messy tango the minute Trump won the White House. We soon realized that he did not plan on being President at all, but instead some kind of strongman leader who was set on tossing out the Constitution and running the world’s wealthiest country like some kind of thuggish, imperial boss.
Such a douche bag is he, President Trump, by just getting elected, defined many of the rules outlined in the Constitution by separating what is rule of law and what is tradition.
Upon his election to the White House I would have never guessed that my late in life civics lesson would come from a bronzer soaked huckster like Trump.
The lesson began with his cheesy “Make America Great” slogan, which was emblazoned on caps and became the new rallying cry for racists and White supremacists across the country.
However, like a lot of Trump products, which often are tacitly reworked and repurposed, this “new” cry is dangerously close to GOP saint Ronald Reagan’s 1981 slogan of “Let’s Make America Great Again,” but this time a longing for the past by many White Americans combined with The Donald’s own xenophobic rhetoric to give us one of those wonderful read between the lines moments.
Early on, among those of us in the minority community, we glibly teased the slogan was a veiled “Make America White Again,” concept by the 70-year-old then candidate. “More crackers for the cracker barrel,” we sniped with a smirk.
Because we know mimicry is sincerest form of flattery in Trumplandia, we were hip to his propensity for slapping a big ol’ fat “Trump” on anything he liked and making it his own. We know recycling a slogan isn’t new, but it’s usually frowned upon – so no surprises here.
However, what did surprise us was the douchey way in which the use of the Trump approach exposed many presidential rules as nothing more than courtesies.
Sure George Washington could have taken more than two terms, but the term limit concept didn’t become official until Franklin Delano Roosevelt sat for almost 16-years.
Never to be out-done by others, “Douchey Donald” exposed a courtesy that was a perceived rule during his campaign.
Since he announced his entry into the race on that morning in 2015 from Trump Towerwe learned candidates don’t have to disclose their tax information, it was only a courtesy. Making your tax returns public has evidently only been an expected practice since 1968 and Trump won the presidency by defiantly never sharing his returns.
Another “courtesy” was exposed when the billion dollar business man, who penned “The Art of the Deal,” was allowed to run without pulling out of any of his previous business ventures. The assumption was that you couldn’t hold business interests that could be enriched because you are the leader of the free world.
Trump again proved us wrong on that count.
Trump not only didn’t show the American people what he paid in taxes, which was alleged to be zero in 2016, but only announced he would walk away from his businesses by placing them in “blind trust” run by his children.
The Trump “blind trust,” which appeared to only reflect the public eye’s inability to peek into his business dealings or get poked. That same public eye would also have to remove The Donald’s thumb from it before turning blindly away from all of the nepotism and conflicts of interests that ties POTUS #45 to taxpayer’s dollars and his empire.
Trump planned to have his daughter and son-in-law hold cabinet level positions and the Secret Service spending it’s time shuttling between Trump Tower in New York, Mar-a- Lago in Florida and of course on fun excursions with the Trump kids.
In addition, the Trump Organization, you know the one he’s turned a blind eye to, continues all of its business dealings in China, Russia, Scotland and all over the world, while Daddy has his finger on the trigger against all those who dare oppose him – I mean, the U.S.
Early on there was talk of challenging these holdings via Benjamin Franklin’s “Emulants” provision in the Constitution, which limits financial conflicts of interests in personal business and the investments made in foreign lands.
Such talk faded into the atmosphere once the Trump’s hit D.C. when all the lawsuits for Trump University settled out at $25 million. All other lawsuits, including the ones tied to sexual harassment and such would have to wait, due to a practice that agrees that all legal action against a sitting President must be put on “chill,” until the Commander-in-Chief makes time for it after performing his duty running the nation.
Another courtesy was busted when Trump obliterated the precedent established for past leaders, who had to at least fain chastity and Puritanical family values when running for office.
Trump set a new direction for the way marriage is viewed by our country and the fidelity of our nation’s leader.
Before Trump, only Ronald Reagan had been allowed to divorce and re-marry. Although not a Christian country, this past allegiance to Puritan values precluded presidents from being single or certainly marrying more than once.
Trump’s First Lady is wife number three and the Slovenian beauty can’t be bothered with spending time in Foggy Bottom, when she has money to make in Manhattan. In addition, in another first, it appears her step-daughter Ivanka, is more suited for the role than she, even though she is also First Daughter.
Even though Ivanka too is a businesswoman and has stated she would never work in D.C., it appeared his daughter, would not be expected to shutter her foreign made clothing line, but would also serve as a high level advisor to the President.
The final and most enduring abuse of a “courtesy, which I assumed was a law” was evident in the Donald’s ongoing defiance when it came to publicly releasing how much he paid the government in taxes for 2015.
A practice since then vice president Richard Nixon released his in 1952, Trump exposed the practice as nothing more than a courtesy, but refusing time-in-time again during the campaign and post campaign of allowing everyone to see how much he actually paid his government.
Only an issue among his GOP challengers and the media, Trump never even considered divulging his taxes and his supporters never seemed to care. Without a push from the public, we’ve only been able to guess at the Donald’s tax burden.
Some has speculated it was zero for 2016, but the fact that we have to even ponder how much he’s paid makes him a monumental douche.
Although not a legal obligation, the releasing of the taxes of a candidate has always signified that they have nothing to hide and makes the common rank and file feel like there is something by which they can directly relate. In other words it’s something we have in common with the candidate, we both pay taxes, no matter how much more money you make than me.
In the end, Donald’s douchey presidency begins with more questions and funk than a Trump Tower full of vinegar and water could wash away.
As we begin a new era in American politics, one dominated by a Conservative wet dream, we get to ponder what the world will look after a staunch right-winger, who is a businessman inherits both houses of Congress and gets to boost his bank account under the star spangled banner.
The question will be: in a country divided by race, economics and political philosophy, can this douche bag actually make America great again or will our Republic again be run into a wall and continue expanding the chasm between the “have’s and the have not’s?”
Well one thing is for certain, for all of those who voted for this ultra-wealthy douche, fancy The Donald as a rebel because he says “no” to rules and openly thumbed his nose at a political system they feel doesn’t represent their interests.
His win, despite being counted out by every single person, politician and pollster, served as a lightning rod from many White Americans who have felt they were on the outside of a system that allowed a Black man to win the presidency and somehow had no love for them.
2016 was the year racists got their groove back and at the same time we watched the rise of the year’s biggest Douche Bag. So please, Mr. President, help yourself to our patented box of vaginal cleanser, you earned it.
You are the Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag for 2016!
Now go and encrust it in gold so it matches your bathrooms in Trump Tower, you orange-complexioned; hair combing over, lying assed – douche!!