Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow the award of “The Douchey McDouche Bag” award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes – there’s room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse – over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later –while walking to the other end of the store I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin’ lot –Douche Bag!! Hey dickwad - this award goes out to you – You Douche!!!
The July 2014 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
Afterall, when we pondered the Douchiest Douche for July 2014, there was no shortage of choices.
There was the NYPD for going all Radio Raheem on chokehold murder victim Eric Garner.
The war between Israel and Palestine and of course the US Congress, which is more concerned with suing or impeaching President Obama than it was in passing actual legislation.
But, as the month of July dragged on, it was impossible to overlook the negligent parents who were routinely leaving their children locked in sweltering hot cars across America. For that reason those douchey guardians who bake their children to death by mistake or on purpose won our pathetic monthly prize for July 2014.
Yep, it seemed each night there was another news story about an irresponsible guardian leaving their kid in a blazing hot car and then hours later returning to their stifling vehicle to discover their lifeless toddler still strapped in the car seat and the victim of a fate worse than death.
So our assortment of abusive parents brought the term “Parental Advisory” to a whole new level. It’s our special brand of tough love for forgetful parents: it’s the Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag Award for July 2014.
The Devil Went Down To Georgia?
Things got off on a bad foot in late June when a father in Georgia, Justin Ross Harris, was charged with murder and child cruelty for leaving his 22-month-old son strapped in his car seat for a whopping 7-hours in 90-plus degree temperatures.
The 33-year-old somehow decided to make that fateful day “Bring your Child to Work” day and “oopsy” forgot that the 22-month-old was in the back seat of his vehicle. Because it actually was hotter than Georgia asphalt that day, the toddler perished from the extreme heat stroke.
To make Harris’ plight even more disturbing, the incident was said to have occurred after he and the child stopped for breakfast en-route to The Home Depot corporate office where he was employed. Harris also allegedly returned to the vehicle during his lunch break to place an item in the car, but somehow never noticed the child he’d strapped into the car seat in the back of his SUV.
To continue this ridiculous and unfortunate tale, Harris also is alleged to have driven a half a mile after work before he came to the realization that the foul stench in his car was actually his kid. It was then more than 7-hours into the day before this Douche Bag thought pulled into a nearby shopping center and asked for help. The child had endured more than 92-degree heat, without air, food or water.
As the story ran through the 24-hour news cycle, it was learned that Harris allegedly read up on what temperature was the right one to kill a child in a car and had visited a website dedicated to a child-free lifestyle. He also allegedly was posting weiner shots and messaging women on a site that day, as his son helplessly passed away.
Shortly after the child’s horrific death was disclosed, members of the community swung into action and began organizing fund-raising efforts. Fundraising sites of YouCaring.com and WePay.com were set up pulled in over $22,000 for the family.
However, once all the do-gooders caught wind of the possible evil from Justin Ross Harris, all of the philanthropic fun ended and the sites were taken down.
At time of press Mrs. Harris had railed for privacy from the press and Justin Ross Harris sat in jail, charged with felony murder and second degree child cruelty.
New York, New York Big City of Dreams
While the Harris story dominated the headlines across the nation, two local stories continued this homage to crappy parenting with douchey infamy.
A 22-year-old Queens woman, Nicole “Nikki” Kelly, was arrested in the smothering death of her 11-month-old son, because she reportedly “no longer wanted him.”
Kelly was arraigned and charged with second degree murder for allegedly placing the toddler on a bed, covering him with bed linens and proceeded to tuck him in for the night. Kelly allegedly placed the sheets over the youngster’s head and tied it in so tightly that the boy suffocated.
Kelly faces 25-years to life for the murder. Her mental state was also called into question after it was learned she posted pictures of the dead child on Facebook.
The next day, a 20-year-old Frankea Dabbs abandoned her 10-month old daughter on a Manhattan subway platform because she could no longer care for the child. Dabbs, a transplant to the Big Apple from North Carolina, allegedly pushed the child in its stroller off the No. 1 train onto the platform in the area of Columbus Circle and remained on the train.
Dabbs was charged with abandoning a child and committing actions injurious to a child. Delusional and self-aborbed, the 20-year-old Dabbs even gave Jiggaman, Jay Z, a responsible parent, the finger and a shout out during her arrest.
“Someone tell Shawn Cory Carter, I said F#*k You!” she was quoted as saying during her arrest.
While there are obvious cases of murder from allegedly homicidal guardians, of the estimated 18 child deaths from hot cars this year, there seemed to also be a wave of simple minded and forgetful humans behaving badly.
On July 7th a father in Ridgefield, Connecticut left his 15-month-old strapped to a child seat in his vehicle after forgetting to drop the youngster off at daycare.
Hours after punching in, Kyle Seitz continued to work on the 88-degree day and didn’t realize his deadly mistake until after quitting time.
Similar to the story out of Georgia, Seitz a test engineer, even returned to the car for lunch, but somehow still missed his expired son. It wasn’t until he drove to daycare center that it was discovered that he never dropped the boy off in the morning. The toddler was pronounced dead just after 6 p.m.
At time of press, the death of the Seitz child was ruled a homicide and despite no charges being filed, a criminal investigation is ongoing.
On June 26th a 10-month-old girl in Wichita, Kansas was forgotten in a hot car outside of her foster home. Left for a minimum of two-hours, the child nicknamed “Little Butterball,” had perished in the escalating temperatures when one of her foster parents left her strapped in a car while he returned another child to the house.
Twenty-nine-year-old Seth Jackson was arrested on suspicion of aggravated endangerment of a child. Jackson and his partner were foster parents in pursuit of adoption It appeared Jackson, along with his partner, were already fostering 5 other children.
The matter is under investigation by the Kansas Department of Children and Families.
A stupid, regrettable and luckily non-fatal incident with toddlers in cars came from Virginia, where a father is accused of leaving his twin 1-year-olds behind in a locked vehicle while he allegedly had sex with a woman outdoors and behind an apartment building.
Police in Prince County, Virginia said the man, identified as Juan Munford, was arrested after neighbors called the authorities after hearing the babies crying in a locked car. The police arrived to allegedly find Mumford having sex about 30-feet away.
He was charged with two counts of felony child endangerment and indecent exposure.
While death is not always the outcome in these mishaps, it is obvious that the incidence of children being forgotten in cars is happening with disturbing regularity.
More than regrettable, the deaths highlight a problem that has been prevalent for the last several years, as overworked parents hustle from work to daycare and back home and in the interim lose sight of the forest for the trees. Among the harried parents are those who are so self-absorbed that they somehow forget their tiny off-spring.
Last year Connecticut State Police estimated that 44 children died from heatstroke in America when parents either purposely forgot or just had a brain fart and subjected their child to a miserable death by auto.
In fact, such deadly foul-up’s have led to the creation of a cottage industry for young tech wizards who appear to be the only ones to save other kids from scatter-brained olders. The kids developed apps and devices to help dumbass parents and guardians remember the most important people in their lives – the young, defenseless toddlers they were given the responsibility to protect.
Save The Children
A 13-year-old in New Mexico invented a device she hopes will deter the rising trend of toddlers dying by stifling hot auto. The teen, Alissa Chavez, created something she calls “The Hot Seat,” which would include a seat pad connected to the adult’s car alarm and smartphone.
The device, which can detect if there is weight in the car seat, would sound an alarm should it get too hot and the driver’s keys move more than 10 meters from the vehicle.
A month prior, an 11-year-old Nashville, Tennessee boy invented a device that straps from the back seat of a car to the front seat. Constructed with duct tape and rubber bands, the “E-Z Baby Saver” is a do-it- yourself device, which comes with instructions on how to build your own brightly colored, encumbering contraption. It won him 2nd place at a local invention contest.
After the hot car deaths reached 18 in July of 2014, the government decided something needed to be done on a national level. After taxpayer dollars were spent, Johnny, tell them what they won…
In July the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) unveiled its “Where’s Baby? Look Before You Lock”.
The site: www.safercar.gov presented a national information hub for parents to find common sense solutions to the national epidemic of hyperthermic deaths to toddlers.
Here are few of the tips to help your dumb ass remember you strapped Lil Johnny or Jane in the back seat, just before you bounce for the day:
- Make a habit of looking in the vehicle – front and back – before locking the door and walking away.
- Ask the childcare provider to call if the child doesn’t show up for care as expected.
- Do things that serve as a reminder that a child is in the vehicle, such as placing a phone, purse or briefcase in the back seat to ensure no child is accidentally left in the vehicle, or writing a note or using a stuffed animal placed in the driver’s view to indicate a child is in the car seat.
Personally, I can’t imagine how one would go about reminding themselves that their child, who was strapped into a car seat minutes ago, is actually still in that car seat.
Should you tie a string around your finger?
Put a sticky note on your dashboard?
A television news reporter suggested maybe a parent should, “Put something in the back of the car that you absolutely need to retrieve?”
Like your child?
In the end, law enforcement urges citizens to police themselves by reporting incidents of unattended children in cars.
Yeah, we know we’re all human and can make any assortment of mistakes, but subjecting your kid to a torturous death as you scurry off to work or because you just plain forgot they were in the car seems more dastardly than stupid.
Was impressing the boss really that important?
Are we really that pre-occupied?
I guess someone at least needs to adjust their frigging priorities.
As we delude ourselves with our virtual lives on the internet, we need to remember that all the texting, sexting and cute videos are not more important than human life, especially if that life happens to be your child.
So bad parents, collectively pull your heads out your friggin’ backsides and take your trophy.
You are the Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag Award winners for July 2014. You self-centered, distracted, child endangering douches!