Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow "The Douchey McDouche Bag" award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes, there's room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five-minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later, while walking to the other end of the store, I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So, this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin' lot “Douche Bag!!" Hey dickwad - this award Â goes out to you - Douche!!!
The June 2014 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
First there was Desert Shield â€“ (circa 1991).
Then there was Iraqi Freedom â€“ (circa 2003).
But in June 2014, when Islamic fundamentalists joined with other militants and began a march towards Baghdad, the setting was right for a douchey situation that had Rightwing hawks calling for America to do any and everything to protect our interest in the oil rich Iraq – even if it meant sending in troops â€“ again!!
All the sabre rattling and tough talk began in June when the heavily armed group of militants, which identified themselves as the Islamic State of Iraq (ISIS) or Levant, mobilized from northern Iraq and began battling the Iraqi military.
Described as an Al-Queda influenced militant group, the military action took advantage of the discord created between the ruling Shiâ€™ite and the Sunni minority in Iraq. It also gave the critics of the President Barack Obamaâ€™s foreign policy new reasons to be douchey.
So, why donâ€™t you get back in the bed?
Itâ€™s the Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag Award for June 2014 or Reasons to be Douchey Part â€“ 1-2-3!
Douche Bags Say What????
Â Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz) led the pack of conservatives who called for the resignation of President Barack Obamaâ€™s entire National Security team and that of the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff shortly after both Mosul and Tikrit fell to a militia group identified ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq).
McCain said America left Iraq too soon despite 8 years of war and 4,000 American deaths. Despite the hue and cry for an end to the Iraqi war, the loser of the 2008 Presidential election went on to say the Iraqi warfare was a direct result of Obama forcing the troops to leave Iraq too soon.
But McCain, wasnâ€™t alone.
A desperate GOP turned to the ye old playbook of failed propaganda campaigns by bastardizing soundbytes from the late militant Malcolm X, of all people, and chanting Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi.
Sen. Roy Blount (R-Mo) said war was evidence of the â€œchickens coming home to roost,â€ for Obama , who may have listened to the public in leaving Iraq, but should have left troops behind, maybe in case those pesky WMDâ€™s showed up.
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said the war between ISIS and Iraqi troops was â€œanother Benghazi,â€ whatever that means. He also said the briefing on the war scared him and a civil war was the worst case scenario for the unstable region.
One of the most bizarre criticisms for not again rolling on Iraq again came from eternal GOP loser Newt Gingrich. Newty said when wars like those in Iraq and Syria begin, Obama â€œhides in a fantasy worldâ€ and surrounds himself with court jesters. The President then of course plays pool and creates photo ops at Starbucks to perpetuate a faux tranquility.
The Newtster further described Obama as weaker than fancy lad James Buchanan leading up to the Civil War.
Speaking of Civil War, just how did Iraq get from our friend and ally against Iran in 1980 to a structure-less country on the verge of ripping itself apart?
History indicates our involvement in Iraq over the past 60 years might have had a little something to do with it.
In 1958 secret US spy actions helped to overthrow the Iraqi monarchy after almost 40 years of rule. Although installed by the Brits, America favored Abdel Kassem and a revolution that would ultimately lead to the formation of OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries).
Because of Kassemâ€™s involvement in OPECâ€™s formation and the Middle Eastern opposition to Western oil, the CIA plotted the new Iraqi leaderâ€™s demise and just three years later he and thousands of supporters were terminated in a bloody coup.
By 1968 when the Baathist Party came to power, we were all up in Iraqâ€™s business. The CIA urged Kurds in the north to rebel against the Iraqi government with the understanding we had their backs. Our then ally Iran and their Shah supported the rebellion with money and weapons to create a centrifuge in the oil rich country.
By 1975 both countries had patched things up and the American love affair with the Kurds ended. Four years later the Iranians overthrew the Shah and we began to urge Iraq to attack Iran.
By 1980 we were fully backing Iraq with money, weapons and intelligence and its new leader Saddam Hussein. Hundreds of thousands died during the 8-year War between the two countries with the aid of the U.S., Egypt, Turkey, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates.
The Reagan era strategy for the region became one of centrifuge where the goal was to weaken both sides and in which neither side would win. The US policy of instability, it was believed, would allow the U.S. to ultimately gain control of the oil in an unstable part of northern Africa.
By 1990, when Iraq went to reclaim oil seized by Kuwait during the Iran-Iraq conflict, it unleased a Desert Shield and then a Desert Storm from the U.S. About a month and a half later, Iraq was pushed back out of Kuwait and Saddam Hussein became a public enemy #1 to the United States.
When a group of Saudi born terrorists , who were backed by former CIA operative, attacked the World Trade Center in New York City and targets in Washington D.C. including The Pentagon, the next phase of this cluster-f had begun.
Bush family friend Osama bin Laden was identified as the engineer behind the attacks on 9/11/2001, which utilized three, hijacked commercial jetliners and killed more than 3,000 American citizens on U.S. soil.
Then President George W. Bush vowed to find those responsible and began a war against The Taliban in Afghanistan and bin Laden, who operated from the mountainous region after winning Charlie Wilsonâ€™s war. Two years later the hunt for Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq triggered a new 8-year war in Iraq, this time with the United States.
Not surprisingly, the action was questioned by the United Nations, but was supported by a bunch of countries that owed us money. This â€œCoalition of the Willingâ€ stormed into Iraq, capturing Saddam Hussein and all of his sons and began the next chapter of our relationship with the Middle East country.
Years of â€œnation building,â€ an unstable economy and political situation in Iraq followed along with a simmering dispute between Sunniâ€™s and Shias that smelled like a civil war.
Running for President on ending the war in 2008, Barack Obama was dogged as not savvy enough by those whoâ€™d been authoring the Iraqi story since 1968 â€“ Donald Rumsfeld, George H. W. Bush and Dick Cheney. When the former Illinois US Senator continued his opposition to the war and finally brought troops home by 2011, he was seen as short-sighted and weak.
Care for some Spotted Dick?
When ISIS began its campaign, all of the old douchey comments about Obama returned and somehow Iraq was back in the news. An almost forgotten topic after the 2011 official ending of the war, the brewing civil unrest in Iraq seemed like the perfect time for some old dick.
Former Vice President and current talk-show pundit, Dick Cheney showed, that not only was he not sorry about engineering an unprovoked war, but that he thought the only way to help Iraq circa 2014 was to send more U.S. troops back into the former Mesopotamia.
Cheney, who was part of the team that brought you â€œMission Accomplishedâ€ in 2005, of course did not blame his decades of handy work for the latest military flare up in Iraq, no, no that was left for Obama.
After the Islamic State began its offensive, President Obama responded by sending advisors to help the current Iraqi government and has not ruled out coordinating drone strikes in the region. He was of course roundly criticized for not responding in stronger way.
Then that old Dick went on to designate Obama as the worst U.S. President in his lifetime and heâ€™s had the pleasure of serving under some real winners: Richard Nixon, who was forced to resign in dishonor over Watergate; the bumbling Gerald Ford; Mr. Voodoo Economics Ronald Reagan and both Bushes.
Cheney, who is known as a wanted war criminal outside of the U.S., argued that Iraq was at a â€œgood pointâ€ when he and W. left office. Then that Dick said if current Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki would have maintained a strong government and Obama would have followed the â€œstay behindâ€ strategy of Bush, everything would be duckey.
Speaker of the House John Boehner and other Republicans asked President Obama to have al-Maliki stepdown. Obama instead sent Iraq military advisers and pondered drone strikes.
Dick, who was later joined by his daughter Liz in the criticism of Obama, made himself available to any and every news program that would have him.
The only time Douchey Dick shut-up was when he was questioned about why he sent troops into Iraq in the first place by Fox News bimbette supreme Megyn Kelly. Still a hard-on, Cheney still supports the 2003 invasion of Iraq and although many predicted it would create ethnic-sectarian fragmentation.
In some circles, talk of the WMDâ€™s was the product of a lie from former Defense Secretary Colin Powell and not part of a propaganda effort to win hearts and minds by the Bush neoconservatives.
Unfortunately, Dick forgot about the desires of the American public AGAIN and why the GOP was voted out and why Obama won in the first place.
When propaganda of WMDâ€™s was being tossed around, Obama was one of a few people not supporting the war or the ceremonial renaming of â€œFrench Friesâ€ to â€œFreedom Fries,â€ for that matter.
In fact, a CBS News Poll from March 2003 had 69% of Americans behind the war effort and only 25% of the people thinking we should have never invaded Iraq.
By October 2005 CBS News poll, 55% of the American people believed we should have stayed out of Iraq, while 41% thought it was the right thing.
By the election of 2008, the CBS News Poll indicated that 28% of Americans thought the war was worth the cost, while 66% said it was not worth it. In November of 2008 America had nominated a new President Barack H. Obama, one of the most outspoken opponents of the war in Iraq.
When Obama offered the concept of exiting Iraq by 2011, many Democrats and liberals questioned why it wasnâ€™t done sooner and the GOP and conservatives thought leaving Iraq was a mistake.
A November 2011 Gallup Poll estimated that 75% of Americans approved of the withdrawl from Iraq and only 21% disapproved of the move. The Iraqi government also seemed to be in full support of an American exit and a chance for an independent Iraq.
Clearly Americans wanted out of Iraq and voiced their opinions at the ballot box in 2008 and again in 2012, so despite what those who control the media say, the public wanted us out of Iraq and does not favor sending more troops into the sectarian mess currently brewing
As ISIS continues towards Baghdad, the minority Sunniâ€™s have to decide whether itâ€™s worth their while to join with new militants or join with government forces run by their historic enemy the Shiâ€™ite. Either way it is not something in which we need to actively involve our military.
According to published sources, differences between the Shiâ€™ite and the Sunni dates back to shortly after the prophet Muhammad died after establishing Islam as a religion.
The Sunniâ€™s follow the first four Caliphs who ruled after death of Muhammad from 632 â€“ 661: Abu Bakr; Umar ibn al-Khattab; Uthman ibn Affan and Ali Ibn Abi Talib.
The Shia believe Ali is the second most divinely inspired man (after Muhammad) and that he is and his descendants by Faimah, the Imams, are the sole legitimate Islamic leaders.
This fundamental difference in the application of Islam has divided worshippers in the ancient region for more than 1,300 years
So given the historic complexities and all of our finagling over the past 50-years, blaming Iraqâ€™s pseudo civil war on the current administration is an obvious Douche move.
Whether we keep â€œadvisorsâ€ in Iraq or use our flying robot drone air force to bring about stability, itâ€™s obvious our time in Iraq is far from over.
As for the blame, the unmitigated gall of Dick Cheney to blame anyone but himself for Iraqâ€™s fate is a douche move that is so pure that I expected to see him chugging vinegar and water out of a red, rubber bag like a 40-oz.
I guess every Dick must have a decent set of balls on him, which ain’t bad for the guy who helped get us into Iraq and of course scored a huge profit as a board member for Halliburton.
At the end of the day, the entire situation needs a douche.
From the media, that forgets the demands of the public; to the GOP, which forgets its role over the last 50-years in sending that region into a civil war and to the Obama administrationâ€™s forced position of â€œdamned if you do, damned if you donâ€™t.â€
Somewhere between 50-years of involvement, thousands of gallons of oil to be had and our brand spanking new embassy in Baghdad, which at $600 million and 104 acres, you didnâ€™t actually didnâ€™t think weâ€™d ever flat leave Iraq – did you?
I guess to quote Colin Powell, â€œIf you broke it, you bought it.â€
So Mission Accomplished Iraq! We just canâ€™t quit you!
The current war in the region and the propagandized conceptualization of the ISIS offensive is funky. So throw your guns in the air, youâ€™ve earned the Boom Bap Radio â€“ Douchey McDouche Bag Award for June 2014.
So enjoy your award ISIS, Dick and all the rest, you Shiâ€™ite hating, Kurd gassing, Sunni punishing â€“ Douche Bags!