Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow "The Douchey McDouche Bag" award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes, there's room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five-minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later, while walking to the other end of the store, I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So, this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin' lot “Douche Bag!!" Hey dickwad - this award Â goes out to you - Douche!!!
The November 2016 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
What do you call it when a clear frontrunner loses to a complete political unknown?
Some may say â€œGroundhog Day circa 2008,â€ but for those of us, who watched that â€œIrish, Kenyan, Socialistâ€ sweep into the Oval Office all them years ago, the 2016 election was nothing more than a game, one that reminded me of my favorite card game, ironically the one thatâ€™s name is also a slur for African-Americans – â€œSpades.â€
Forever the Spades players, we here at Boom Bap Radio are often scanning our cards and counting our respective books in pursuit of victory.
In this yearâ€™s historic presidential race it became clear very early on that someone was gaming the system and it didnâ€™t take long to realize victory may come from outside the straight suits who have defined the presidency.
In case youâ€™re not familiar with the game, a win can sometimes be achieved by the use of an off-suit card, often a Joker, after itâ€™s been re-branded as a wild card (i.e. the trump card).
So in 2016 a wild card took us all on a political ride of a lifetime and Americaâ€™s oldest political party – the Grand Olâ€™ Party (GOP) and the American people for that matter, were â€“ Trumped!
It may be corny and improbable, but the White House gained its newest occupant after one of the most divisive elections in U.S. history gave us former reality television star and billion dollar business man Donald J. Trump as President.
Trump, a former Democrat, leaped off the Populous campaign trail and right into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue against the beliefs and wishes of stalwarts in the Democratic and Republican parties.
But what no one could have known at the time was that the orange complected, thrice married Trump, a Twitter troll exordinaire, was not only elected Americaâ€™s 45th President, but also won our coveted Douchey McDouche Bag Award for the month of November.
Not much unlike his capture of the Republican nomination, we have a feeling the â€œunpresidented victoryâ€ (yeah, Donald we saw that) and award of Novemberâ€™s douchiest feels like a prelude to greater accomplishments and awards from our trophy case, but let me not get ahead of myself.
Unlike many of our awardees, Trump was a douche from way back and offered no apologies or predilections to the post. He was straight forward about it and didnâ€™t even pretend to be politically correct or care about the opinions and thoughts of others â€“ he was absolutely and unapologeticly a douche bag his entire life.
Itâ€™s not like he apologized for leaving his workers flat after being the head of various failed corporations. He also did not break out any mea culpaâ€™s for the keepers of American societal morality when he dropped his immigrant bride for an American tart before taking a former nude model and immigrant from the old Soviet Bloc as his third wife.
Just like he always has, this Douche Bag Trump has consistently violated every norm he could think of and the 2016 election was no different. From not debating in the format that has been the set format for centuries, to not turning down the endorsement of the Ku Klux Klan and not filing his 2015 income taxes â€“ this pompous windbag was hell bent to do things his way.
Trump didnâ€™t care if it appeared he was a racist or if he had something to hide in his financial statements and why would he? Heâ€™s a douche bag.
Heâ€™s the same guy who opened three casinos in Atlantic City, NJ when that town was hot, only to watch two of them close in financial ruin.
Heâ€™s the same douche who rode the defunct Spring/Summer experiment called United Stated Football League (USFL) into the ground and even turned up empty on a claim that his detectives could prove President Obama was not a native of America.
At every turn Donald Trump has been a douche bag, so there are no surprises here. The only surprise is it took us so darn long to openly recognize his douchiness and how that somehow would become germane to American democracy and the history of our country.
Sure we knew it appeared he was getting ready to reshape the Republican Party, but we soon learned why that it would be the least of his deeds in 2016. Thanks to an ignorant electorate, Caucasian women and of course a bunch of vapid Millenials, who decided not voting would show the world something, Trump was able to win an election he lost by 3 million votes and of course â€œMake America Great Again.â€
When mogul Donald Trump entered the Republican Presidential nominee me and probably every other liberal fell into a world of political bliss.
Could it be?
The Grand Olâ€™ Party was about to be co-oped by the bombast and the insanity that is the reality television star?
I was reminded of that scene from the 1989 Batman movie when Jack Nicholson, starring as The Joker of course, walks into the museum and exclaims: â€œGentlemen â€“ Letâ€™s expand our minds!â€
Thinking of Nicholsonâ€™s role, all I could think about was how dyed-in-the-wool Conservatives must feel in this election season. It appeared one of the inmates was about to run the asylum and only mayhem could ensue.
As the months dragged on and one by one traditional candidates like former Governor Jeb Bush, Conservative governors Scott Walker and Chris Christie and Mike Huckabee all fell by the wayside, something unprecedented appeared to be underway.
There was at least going to be a challenge to the leadership of Americaâ€™s oldest political party and Democrats and liberals entered party mode.
In a style never before seen, Trump rolled through Republican primaries and put the party in turmoil as he forced people to choose between himself, a former Democrat; evil Ted Cruz or Governor of Ohio John Kasich, a bland, almost unknown Conservativeâ€™s conservative.
In the end, party fears about Trump largely revolved around his not being controlled by the standard bearers of the party â€“ the Koch brothers, Sheldon Adelson or Sumner Redstone. In addition, he also appeared to not take orders from any of the GOP rank and file who had worked so hard to make the world suck for the last 50 years.
He wasnâ€™t tied to Nixon, Reagan, Cheney, W. or the neo-conservatives; he also didnâ€™t belong to, but was a part of the lunatic fringe that was the Tea Party.
The Lone Wolf act rolled out by The Donald spawned late moves by the likes of former GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney to launch a search for an alternative to Trump prior to the planned Republican National Convention in Cleveland as well as the emergence of a bevy of â€œNever Trumpâ€ and â€œDump Trumpâ€ Republicans who said they would even consider voting for Hillary Clinton rather than give the reins of their party over to the gauche outsider with the hateful message and elaborate comb-over.
In fact, as Summer burned on, Trump managed to estrange himself from the likes of RNC presumptive host Kasich, #41 – George H.W. Bush and #43 – W. Bush approaching the July RNC convention in Ohio.
So how in the world could anyone with so much adversity from his own party have a shot at winning the whole bowl of wax?
Only a douche bag could answer that question, because the feckless Trump aggressively brushed off every criticism, every alleged threat to his candidacy and kept his eyes on the prize.
As a wealthy, white man in America, Trump knew his pimp hand was still strong and doubled down again and again.
Straight Up Racist â€“ The Sucker was Simple and Plain
If I needed to create a boogeyman for Progressives, even I wouldnâ€™t go so far as to state the monster was openly endorsed by hate groups and racists. Usually posting such facts about Conservatives on social media either loses you friends or somehow insults those who are in league with racists but canâ€™t bear to have it pointed out to them by the descendant of chattel of former slave owners.
It turns out that many Conservatives like to hang out with racists and even big up them on shared beliefs, but making them aware of it is so crass you are accused of â€œplaying the race card.â€
All of the subtle nuances that have formed the American racial atmosphere that existed after the Civil Rights law was signed, went right out the window in 2016 when â€œSunkist Stalinâ€ stepped onto the campaign trail and was openly endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan and the White Nationalist movement.
It began quite early when the Trumpster was supported by not formally endorsed by Ku Klux Klan icon David Duke months into his charge to be the GOP candidate.
In December of 2015 Duke was quoted as saying Trumpâ€™s candidacy allows Americans â€œto be more open about their racial animus,â€ he continued in POLITICO. â€œHeâ€™s meant a lot for the human rights of European American.â€
By February of 2016 Duke turned up the volume and without formally endorsing the billionaire candidate, he said voting against Trump was treason against white, European history.
The next month when asked about the support of the former KKK Grand Wizard, Trump again chose not to follow the lead of past Conservatives by defaming or renouncing Duke, the KKK or racist groups. Nope, Trump simply went to his bag of Alt-facts and denied even knowing of Duke.
As has been a recurring theme for The Donald, either heâ€™s a bold-faced liar or has a horrible memory.
In 2000 he was interviewed by ABC World News Tonight and asked about Dukeâ€™s joining the Republican Party at that time â€“ to which he exclaimed: â€œDavid Duke just joined, a bigot, a racist, a problem. I mean this is not exactly the people you want in your party.â€
By March 2, 2016 Trump realized heâ€™d better apologize and do it quickly, he remembered Duke and disavowed his support. He suggested his initial response was due to a bad ear piece.
All that was forgotten by the time The Donald came to dance on the floor in round and by Spring of 2016 others were openly joining in on the Trump parade.
Still, no one believed Trump, who had openly vented his disdain for the poor, Muslims, and Latinos, could get nominated or represent an open mainstream political party.
In April 2016, identified only as Imperial Wizard of the KKKâ€™s Virginia Rebel Brigade Knights the hate group leader granted an interview to Richmond NBC affiliate for WWBT Chris Thomas and said he supported Donald Trump for President. The Klansman said â€œTrump is best for the job. A lot of what he believes in, we believe in.â€
In May 2016 William Johnson, a well- known White Supremacist and leader of the American Freedom Party, was chosen as a California delegate for Trump.
Once outed by Mother Jones Magazine, Johnson declined the role despite first being cleared to serve by the Trump campaign. The Trump campaign first noted Johnsonâ€™s inclusion as a computer error, but later accepted his resignation and was forever mum on his selection.
By election time the KKKâ€™s media vessel, The Crusader, was all in and in its Nov. 2, 2016 edition ran a banner headline that read: â€œMake America Great Again!â€
The Crusader, known as, â€œthe political voice of white Christian America,â€ by its street name: â€œThe Premier Voice of the White Resistanceâ€ the publication was among a small gaggle of newspapers which backed Trump for president.
The paperâ€™s publisher was fast to state the banner headline was not an endorsement and Trumpâ€™s campaign followed suit this time and openly denounced the publication describing it as â€œrepulsiveâ€ and not reflective of the thoughts of the campaignâ€™s backers.
And faster than you could say plantation, it was obvious that what we knew all along was absolutely true, the man expected to heal a divided nation would only do so by building a wall on Mexicoâ€™s border, threatening immigrants and exploiting fear and xenophobia.
What Is and What Should Never Be
By the time Election Day, November 8, 2016 rolled around, the Trump Express had suffered every sling and arrow known to modern politics and continued to double-down on whatever atrocity it was answering for at the time.
Only a month before, an old tape of the candidate with now de-famed host Billy Bush, the nephew of George H.W. Bush and cousin of George W. Bush, emerged and captured secret 2005 â€œlocker room talkâ€ between the two as the Trumpster prepared for a cameo appearance on a daytime soap opera.
Although Trump, who was married at the time, was obviously heard stating as a celebrity he can do anything to the women he pursued, even if that meant grabbing â€œthem by the pussy,â€ what would have been a campaign ending torpedo before social media, did nothing to derail the GOP candidate.
He again offered a faux apology after dismissing the leak. Republican leaders voiced their disgust and denounced the sexist comment, but none of that stopped them from backing Trump pre-election.
By the time of the election, all the polls said Trump simply could not win.
Afterall, he only was running a campaign against a women; in a country dominated by women after offending women with sexist remarks.
Trump lost the popular vote by almost 3 million votes and won only in the Electoral College, just like George W. Bush before him. He secured 52 percent of the votes of white females despite going against shoe-in â€œCrooked Hillary Clinton.â€
Many could not understand how a person who had never held a real job or political office could snare the top elected post in the land over a skillful politician. Given the fervent support of his radical policies and the almost Beer Hall Putsch nature of his rallies, it harkened to past unlikely political rises.
Once stating he could â€œshoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not get arrested,â€ Trump pulled the same audacious card that racists have used for centuries and proved what we already knew, in America, Douche Bags of a certain hue can actually do anything and never be held accountable.
Be it smuggle slaves from Africa across vast oceans to feed an illegal slave trade in the 19th Century; lynch countless Blacks from the branches of so many trees in the south while taking selfies and eating a picnic lunch or even signing a national Declaration of Independence proclaiming the rights of all men, while enslaving thousands of men, women and children on countless plantations.
Trumpâ€™s use of his race card was just a reminder of a story told over and over again in this country and arguably diluted by the Post Racialists of the Obama era, who assured everyone that bigotry was so yesterday.
However, for those of us who were not ready to sing â€œKumbayaâ€ into the night, it just gave us the douche chills and allowed us to add another name to our trophy case.
In the end, you won â€“ we were Trumped.
So dance the fox-trot with your Eastern European trophy wife, barricade Trump Tower and by all means donâ€™t submit your income taxes Mr. President, forget 1600 Pennsylvania – youâ€™re Boom Bap Radioâ€™s Douchey McDouche Bag award winner for the month of November 2016, you tweet happy, 4-time bankrupt, douche bag â€“ enjoy your prize.