Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow the award of “The Douchey McDouche Bag” award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes – there’s room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse – over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later –while walking to the other end of the store I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin’ lot –Douche Bag!! Hey dickwad - this award goes out to you – You Douche!!!
The September 2013 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
What do you call a bunch of politicians who gleefully hold their country’s government services hostage in an effort to disrupt a law that would benefit thousands?
Although the general public is forced to call them the U.S. Congress, here at Boom Bap Radio they are the recipients of our September 2013 Douchey McDouche Bag Award.
Through much of the month of September 2013, President Barack Obama warned his Congressional colleagues that failure to pass the 12 appropriations bills that fund the government would make a shutdown inevitable.
In those early days of September, the media actually wonder aloud about the prospect of such a thing and politico after politico said it couldn’t and wouldn’t happen.
But in Obama’s second term, Congress continued to be a divided house of do nothings with the House of Representatives representing the Conservatives and the Senate, a place that birthed our 44th President, representing the Liberals.
Stunted and stalemated, both branches of Congress ramped up a new normal that values partisan politics over the desires of the American people and in doing so, needs something stronger than the vinegar and water spritz that we humbly provide to clear their annoying stench.
In the past, prior to 1970’s, Congress usually passed these bills and government remained open for business. However, beginning with the presidency of Gerald Ford, America has experienced versions of this shutdown madness with the longest occurring in 1995 during the presidency of Bill Clinton.
The Clinton 21-day shutdown has been the longest overall shutdown to government and set off the vindictive course that has come to define the Republican cause. In fact, in the 90’s amid a booming U.S. economy, the GOP’s push for government shutdown was dubbed the “Conservative Revolution.”
Ironically that “revolution” was out of concern for a growing U.S. deficit, which Clinton later eradicated. The by-product of that Republican stand gave us the Neo-Conservatives and that movement , squatted and dropped our economy into the shitter after giving us a poop named George Walker Bush – but I digress.
However, for some reason that I can’t quite put my finger on, the September 30th douchefest, which created Obama’s 16-day shutdown of government, was on some other shit.
Grumblings began about the possibility of a government shutdown earlier in the year, with little or no confirmation of the reality of it actually happening until the month of September rolled around.
After finding out what happens when we don’t pay our debt a few years back, many could not figure out how or why Congress would refuse to fund the 12 crucial bills and subsequently shutdown the federal government.
What was left?
President Obama won a second term last year and although political polarization may have began in the 70’s, the stalemate between liberal and conservative lawmakers hit a fever pitch since soul brother #1 became president of the United States for the second time.
In what has become trademark delusional fashion, House of Representative Republicans and other members of the GOP in the Senate, chose to ignore desires of their constituents and advance the desires of their financial-backers. The strategy not only allowed the government to go unfunded, but as the movement gained steam, Conservatives looked to tie not funding of the government to the 2010 Affordable Healthcare Act.
The Affordable Healthcare Act, which is more commonly referred to “Obamacare,” was voted into law more than three years ago, but despite being the law of the land, it has been repealed more than 40 times by members of Congress, who never have and never will have to worry about affordable healthcare.
We didn’t hear it at first, but off in the distance – war drums were being sounded and a growing storm was coming. The GOP’s radical fringe, the Tea Party, led by the likes of Sarah Palin urged Congress to “get back to work,“ and “bomb Obamacare.”
As September drew to a close, pundits in the media wondered aloud about whether a deal between Democrats and Republican could be struck and whether a costly government shutdown could be averted.
Bills from the Democratically controlled Senate went forth and were not supported by the Republican controlled House of Representatives. As the end of September drew closer the House’s bill refused to fund the government unless the Affordable Healthcare Act was defunded.
President Obama warned that he would not negotiate changing a law that has been on the books for three years. He said even entering such a discussion was negotiating with people who are holding the government “hostage.” Obama begged Congress to pass the 12 bills and keep the country open for business.
Sadly, it seemed Conservatives truly believe their views, which are narrow and short-sided, at best, but certainly do not represent the majority of Americans.
While the bubble of delusion usually resides in the House of Representin’ – the loudest sabre rattling this time around came from a freshman Senator from Texas.
Cruzin’ – on a Tuesday Afternoon
On Tuesday afternoon, Sept. 24, 2013 a freshman Senator thrust himself into the national spotlight by threatening to allow government to shut down if the Affordable Healthcare is not gutted.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-34th – Tx) decided to have a 21-hour Tea Party on the Senate floor.
At the time, Cruz’s incredible rouse, which included references to Ashton Kucher; quotes from Rush Limbaugh; passages from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugs and Green Eggs and Ham, seemed to be a desperate move by a desperate man.
A man, so obscure and desperate, that he would risk allowing the government to essentially shutdown in the hopes of repealing a law that was almost four years old.
Cruz, who won a Senate seat in Texas’ 34th District in 2012, was born in Canada to Rafael Bienvenido and Elanor Cruz, who emigrated to the United States from Cuba. Later the two former Cubans moved to Calgary, Alberta in Canada to continue running their oil business. Wonderful, darling, Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz was born in 1970.
He served as the director of the Office of Policy Planning at the Federal Trade Commission, worked with the US Department of Justice and as a Domestic Policy Advisor to W. on during his 2000 campaign for President.
Teddy was also an Adjunct Professor of Law at the University of Texas School of Law, where he taught U.S. Supreme Court litigation, from 2004 to 2009. The Princeton graduate also graduated from Harvard Law School with high honors.
Cruz served as a law clerk to Chief Justice William Rehnquist on the U.S. Supreme Court, where he was the first Hispanic ever to clerk for the Chief Justice of the United States.
Stalwarts like former GOP Presidential candidate Sen. John McCain denounced the filibuster and Cruz’s extended oratory. Many referred to it as a “phony” and misguided.
But you know those Douchebags on the Right, tell a lie enough over and over again and they’ll buy it. Tell it one more time and they’ll make it a crusade.
In fact, after Cruz’s marathon, it soon became clear that the Right was going to dove-tail the issue of funding government services with the Affordable Healthcare Act.
As the September 30th deadline loomed, what seemed preposterous just a week earlier seemed to gain traction. Somehow Cruz’s battle cry became that of the GOP.
Before you knew it, every GOP leader was going on television and telling anyone who would listen that Congress’ failure to pass the funding bills was actually the fault of the President.
In fact, as most of the GOP faithful do all too well, everyone got in line and began toting the party line. It seemed the whole Republican Party decided to hold a douchey whine party and this time Cry Baby John Boehner was not the only one tearing up.
“The President won’t talk to us!”
“Why won’t he negotiate?”
Soon GOP heavyweights like: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, Speaker of the House John Boehner and the majority of the House of Representatives were “Cruzin’.”
As the GOP hitched their collective wagons to a veritable political unknown and prepped to ride off into the sunset, Conservatives, mostly from the House of Representatives joined Cruz’s crusade to destroy the Affordable Healthcare Law at any cost.
They were on every talk show from Face the Nation to Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, every day while day after painful day Americans wondered why they couldn’t visit national parks, national monuments, or go to federal websites like that for NASA.
With the GOP firmly in-tow, you know whose fault it was – Obama’s.
Yep, despite refusing to fund the “stop gap” budget and shutting the government down, members of Congress blamed the President for crafting the Affordable Healthcare Act almost four years ago. Blamed was further tossed at Obama for not “negotiating” with Congress.
Evidently the tantrum on the Senate floor became a rallying cry to desperate Republicans who still were looking for a way to stop the Muslim Socialist from Kenya who occupies the White House.
In a word – ”thirsty!!!!”
If At First You Don’t Succeed – Just Be A Bigger Douche Bag
The House Republican offered at least four bills to defund “Obamacare,” with one of the last calling for the 2010 law to delay its implementation until 2015, while providing healthcare for the president, members of Congress and their staffs, while funding the government for 11 weeks. The bill advanced the tax on medical devices that has been roundly opposed by members of both parties.
If you couple the late September press by Republicans with the 40-plus times they put in bills to repeal the Affordable Healthcare Act since it was made law in 2010 and you’ve got all the ingredients for a satisfying douche.
Needless to say the bill was rejected by the Senate and what would follow was a 16-day shutdown of government for the first time in 18-years. Under the plan set up by the Office of Management and Budget that shutdown was to go into effect on 10/1/13 with 800,000 American government workers getting furloughed from pay.
After leading the charge to shutdown government all in the name of stopping a federal law, the GOP, now led by Tea Party Super Star Cruz, went all public and thrust their new leader into the forefront as the face of the Do Nothing Congress.
Cruz talked to anyone who would listen about the evils of Affordable Healthcare and capped his crusade off with a rally in the nation’s capital.
Cruz led demonstrators to the National Mall in Washington, DC and the blockades put out at national monuments and parks as its now unpaid, non-essential staff went on furlough, were mockingly being called “Barry-cades.”
(photo by Andrew Burton for Getty Images)
Supported by scores of military veterans, Sen. Mike Lee of Utah, Sarah Palin and even supporters from our racist enemies during The Civil War, Cruz encircled the National World War II Memorial to protest the closure of government he had helped to create.
Later, joined by participants in the Million Vets March, the group moved to the White House and accused the Democrats and Obama administration as playing politics, by allowing the parks to close, even though their hero led the charge to cut-off government funding in the first place.
Then days later it was all over.
The Senate put together a bill to end the shutdown and raise the debt limit in one fell swoop. The Senate led bill allows the country to continue to be funded until Jan. 15, 2014.
As we stewed over the push to limit government and succeeded in doing so by shutting it down, the next man made fiscal American disaster hid around a nearby corner.
The country faced the question of raising the debt ceiling and the financial fiscal cliff. The last time the debt ceiling was an issue, Conservative members of Congress refused to raise the ceiling and America defaulted on its debt. Thusly, the country’s credit rating dropped and the dollar was weakened.
But for September the Party of “No” pulled the ultimate douche move and shut the government down after submitting to the will, not of the American people, but of the Republican Party’s lunatic fring.
And for that very disturbing decision, we award the entirety of Congress, both houses with the September 2013 Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag Award.
Because in today’s freezing cold political climate, the good of the people or the country is secondary to brinksmanship and not getting “primaried” in the next election.
I think John Boehner defined the douchiness best: “We fought the good fight; we just didn’t win.”
At the end of the day, be it because you are seriously concerned about the ills of Affordable Healthcare or because you just have a different political philosophy, Congress is supposed to be a direct reflection of the American individual and that is not supposed to mean individual members of nation’s legislative body.
So enjoy your award, you tea drinking, self-serving, filibustering, government shutting – Douche Bags!