Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow "The Douchey McDouche Bag" award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes, there's room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five-minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later, while walking to the other end of the store, I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So, this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin' lot “Douche Bag!!" Hey dickwad - this award Â goes out to you - Douche!!!
The October 2011 Douchey McDouche Bag Award Winner
To find this monthâ€™s Douchebag we didnâ€™t have to think long or hard; because this monthâ€™s douche was loud and bawdy.
Every Monday night for almost a quarter century heâ€™d invite us and his rowdy friends to watch a football game and he didnâ€™t care who knew it.
Of course weâ€™re talking about Hank Williams, Jr.
Personally, I was a little put off when Hanky began opening Monday Night Football with his catchy ditty â€“ â€œAll My Rowdy Friends.â€
I know he was an icon and was the son of an icon and all, but I was actually was more partial to the instrumental opening and couldnâ€™t understand why I had to let this â€œGood Olâ€™ Boy,â€ in my living room. There seemed to be little or no transition from Howard Cosell, Dandy Don and The Giff to this country boy asking me: â€œAre you ready for some football?â€
Williams, a former drug addict and alcoholic, got the old vinegar and water treatment after he decided to compare the leader of the free world to Hitler and then proclaimed him to be â€œthe enemy.â€
Blessed with the unbelievable luck of singing the cheesy opening for Monday Night Football for 23 years, Williams threw it all away last month during an interview on Fox and Friends when he was asked about American politics and horrified even the most right-wing of pundits with his thoughts about President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner.
Referencing a golf outing between President Obama and Boehner Â which was supposed to open a dialogue between the White House and Congress, Williams said, â€œItâ€™d be like Hitler playing golf with (Israelâ€™s Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu.â€
Things only got worse when Bocephus continued his harangue and identified the President as part of â€œThe Enemyâ€ which also included Vice President Joe Biden.
It took ESPN and ABC a few hours to tell Williams that his services were no longer needed on the premier weekly NFL game.
Of course, Willams later said he was â€œvery sorryâ€ his comments offended anyone but,Â â€œthe thought of the leaders of both parties jukin and high fiven on a golf course, while so many families are struggling to get by simply made me boil over and make a dumb statement.â€
This bearded dickwad later was so unpatriotic and unrepentant, that he dubbed our country the â€œUnited Socialist State of America,â€ and wrote a song about it called: â€œKeep the Change,â€ in which he took more shots at the President and Fox and Fiends.
He also re-wrote history and said he wasnâ€™t fired – he quit!
Now, sure I could label this guy a douche for his un-patriotic comments about a US President.
Or I could label him a douche for his rebuttal and new song that only further showed his Â lack of honesty in his half-hearted apology.
But in these hard economic times, when people are losing their homes and jobs, I find it most douche-like to throw away a great paying gig.
Face it, this loser had been in and out of alcohol and drug rehab, arrested for assaulting a waitress in 2006 and wrote an ode to the Confederate South called â€œIf The South Had Won,â€Â how the hell did he get to be the face and voice of an American institution like Monday Night Football?
However, even after having the best hand dealt to him, despite himself, he proved the old adage right â€“ â€œif you give a guy enough rope â€“ he will hang himself.â€
And for that wasteful, absolutely stupid behavior, he has earned himself the top honor in our little monthly contest.
Thatâ€™s right, Williams, you Confederate sympathizer and unpatriotic dolt â€“ you have won the â€œOctober 2011 Douchey McDouche Bag Award,â€ for being stupid enough to piss away a great paying gig today, which was still paying you from one song your wrote a quarter of a century ago.
Nice going â€“ you ignorant, arrogant, Douche!