The 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag of the Year Award
As I write this year end wrap up, the concept of such things still sounds inconceivable and incomprehensible, but 2015 was the kind of year that placed terrorists in the spotlight and caused a part of American society to reconsider the availability of firearms.
In fact, seven out of 12-months were devoted to pointing out the many, many douche bags who randomly killed in order to allegedly make some kind of a larger point.
It wouldn’t be too much of a concern in, “the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave,” except even the most heavily armed nation of individuals like ours, seemed to run out of answers when douchey terrorists began shooting, not at bad guys, but anyone indiscriminately.
For this nation’s gun lovers, that was a call to arms, but for those who sought to limit the possession of firearms, it seemed like every other week some armed yahoo walked into a crowded space of unarmed civilians and began blasting.
For some it was a religious experience, an endless war against oppression. To others, it was just something to do in reaction to a bad day, a political stance or because they were affected by mental issues.
For our purposes at Boom Bap Radio, armed terrorists dominated the douche-sphere and snared an unprecedented seven Douchey McDouche Bag Awards last year, so it was only fitting that armed jackasses be um, “honored,” as our 2015 grand prize winner(s).
When the year began, it seemed clear at whom we should jeer, obviously radical, religious terrorists like ISIS/ISIL, which started off 2015 by taking credit for the massacre of journalists at a satirical magazine in France.
But as the year crawled on, we learned the fault didn’t just lie in the stars, but in ourselves.
Never to be outdone by filthy foreigners, armed Americans began taking their weapons and terrorizing their neighbors, co-workers and strangers for an assortment of reasons that were equally as ridiculous, but sometimes also for religious purposes.
So go grab your U.S. Constitution, make all of your signs against President Obama and by all means revise history, so the Founding Fathers can be easily evoked – because this is the Boom Bap Radio 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award!
Here We Go Again
In a not so ironic twist of fate, 2015 ended as it had begun – violently.
On a quiet day the employees of San Bernardino Department of Public Health strolled into the annual holiday party at the Inland Regional Center with thoughts of blissful holiday fun.
It wasn’t the DJ or the food at the gathering that radically changed things, it was two of the guests – co-worker Syed Rizwan Farook and his wife, Tashfeen Malik who turned the happy affair into a blood bath.
Instead of wrapped gifts, the unassuming couple brought weapons to the soirée and unfortunately all they wanted for the holidays was murder.
The 28-year-old environmental health specialist and his 29-year-old bride were said to have first attended the party only to leave after a short time.
When they returned they entered the conference center in masks, wearing military style vests and toting explosives and assault weapons. They recklessly shot Farook’s colleagues with impunity and then left before all of the traditional co-worker hook-up’s could commence.
Fourteen unsuspecting co-workers were slaughtered and 22 others were wounded in what was the worst mass shooting in the U.S. in three years.
After the massacre, Farook and Malik returned to their home in Redlands to re-up on ammunition and firepower. By the time Johnny Nab caught dey azz they went down in a hail of bullets while inside their Ford Expedition SUV four hours after the killings near San Bernardino Avenue.
Authorities believe, given the cache of ammo and explosives, the couple was probably going elsewhere to spread more murder and mayhem.
It was later learned they purchased their weapons of mass destruction legally from a friend and were believed to have very unassumingly left their 6-month-old daughter with her grandmother before attending the party.
Not surprisingly ISIS/ISIL claimed responsibility for the murderous act and all of the predictable dialogue about Muslims ensued.
Were they a sleeper cell?
All Muslims should be watched and of course the Bill Maher special – Islam is inherently evil and drives all of its Millions of followers to stop praying three times a day and pledge to terror.
Blah, blah, blah!
It was believed the two, who had visited the Middle East, were living the proverbial double life. However a closer looks showed they pursued one of the many paths Americans take to become radicalized by foreign terrorists.
We later learned Farook met and married Malik two years earlier and brought her back here. Malik entered the U.S. on a fiancée visa after moving from Pakistan to Saudi Arabia.
She was said to have made her ill-fated pledge to almighty ISIS/ISIL through a Facebook posting the day of the attack under an account using an alias or nom de plume.
Farook was said to have met his betroved online and spent a week together with her in romantic Saudi Arabia in July of 2014. Once back in the states, Malik gained a temporary green card and was granted a conditional green card a year later.
The two .223 caliber AR-15 assault rifles used in the attacks had been illegally altered to cause maximum casualties and the couple’s home was described as a “bomb making factory.” Authorities also seized a .22 caliber rifle and various other items including: boxes of ammo, holsters, cellphone SIM cards and computer equipment.
The only question is why did they find it necessary to come back home and murder unarmed people?
Afterall, this is America where gun ownership is our right, they could have followed the lead of other non-Muslim terrorists who find the need to shoot unarmed people without having to spring for trips to foreign lands and military training.
In 2015 alone, the terrorists who murdered largely unarmed people and the law enforcement officials who either battled or pursued them left an indelible trail of blood and carnage along the historical timeline.
Terrorist Hit List 2015
- It began on January 7, 2015 with the attacks on Parisian satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. During that first attack, terrorists stormed the magazine, which has a history of mocking the Islamic prophet Muhammad. Gunmen killed 11 people and injured another 11.
- On May 3, 2015 another ISIS/ISIL linked terror attack occurred, but this time deep in the heart of Texas, where an anti-Muslim group held a cartoon contest again depicting the Muslim prophet, which is already known to be disrespectful. Both attackers were killed and a police officer was wounded during the attack.
- The next month on June 17, 2015 a douche terrorized the historic Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in South Carolina. Nine church goers were slaughtered and 1 was wounded during the attack,
- The hits kept coming on July 16 and July 23, 2015 when terrorists tied to ISIS/ISIL attacked unassuming people at a Navy Support Center in Tennessee killing five and injuring two. In the second murderous rampage a domestic terrorist listened to the voices in his head attacked movie goers at a theater in Louisiana, killing 2 and injured nine.
- More murderous terrorists struck on Oct. 1, 2015 where a domestic douche killed students at a community college weeks after classes began. Eight students and a professor were killed. Nine others were wounded.
- Before the year could end, on Nov. 13, 2015 more terrorists struck at multiple sites in Paris and linked themselves to ISIS/ISIL killing 130 people in concerts, restaurants, soccer matches and cafés – 368 were wounded. The coordinated attack is the worst attack in France since World War II.
- Finally in December of 2015, the year of the terrorist ended when the subject of this report, a married couple, one American born and another born in Pakistan, joined forces to murder 14 unarmed people and injure another 22 while attending the husband’s holiday party.
When the smoke cleared in San Bernardino, 14 unarmed party-goers were mowed down by gunfire and 22 more were wounded by their former colleague and his wife.
However, despite the carnage at the end of more guns, that sale of firearms rose again, adding to the “Obama Surge,” which seems to follow acts of terror and the response by U.S. President Barack Obama.
The surges after violent attacks are more a reaction to the paranoid delusions of the conservative haters, than to the massacres of terrorists.
Many believe more guns are the answer to any attack, but after each massacre, other groups believe they better increase their stockpiles in preparation for Obama and his shock troops, who they believe will roll up and confiscate their weapons right after he addresses the nation about gun violence – AGAIN!!!
There are So Many Amendments to the U.S. Constitution From Which to Choose…
When that line was uttered by comedian Dave Chappelle all those years ago, it was during a skit making fun of the use of the Fifth Amendment. However, for our purposes, Douche Bags on the Right are never worried about incriminating themselves and are quick to cite the Second Amendment as if the British are still coming.
As Americans, our entire country is founded on the right to rebel against tyranny and in doing so, you can even break agreements and steal a whole land mass in revolt of that against which we disagree.
Thus was the case in the 1770’s when British colonists refused first a stamp tax and then a tea tax levied against its citizens by its motherland – Great Britain.
As time moved on those acts of defiance grew into a real push for independence from the taxing country and led to the American revolutionary war.
As an outgrowth of that movement, colonists and later the Continental Congress realized that they both had no army or way to fight against England, France or whoever may come a knocking as they forged a new nation.
Without direct lines to create an army and a bit of natural distrust for what was happening in real time, as the Constitution was being prepared the national government needed the power to call upon the militia and one independent of the “federal government.”
This gave the states individual control of creating a military force, naming officers and providing training.
It was on this foundation, that our nation adopted the Second Amendment, which was the right to bear arms. In those times, giving citizens a right to bear arms allowed for people to always have an opportunity to rise up against whatever governmental arrangement was about to be placed upon the former colonists.
As it turned out, a small push by the French and the attempt to conquer the colonies by the British more than 50-years later, would prove to be the only attempts to take the former colonies back and both situations were quelled by the federal army raised by Congress.
Where the right is open to debate, it has become the rallying cry for a number of Americans who believe stricter gun laws mean the loss of Constitutional rights.
Alas, Happiness is Still a Warm Gun
It is for that reason anytime President Obama mentions tighter laws governing firearms he is repelled as some kind of anti-American extension of King George, or it could just be the gun nuts are just that – nuts.
The month before the San Bernardino shootings gun checks were up 7.7 percent for November 2015, according to published reports. Following the massacre, shares in Smith & Wesson were at 7.6 percent for what was seen as the highest price of the stock since 2007.
Ironically, Obama, who has been seen firing rifles in his leisure, has asks for stronger gun laws, but never insinuated he’d take anyone’s guns.
Obama usually calls for an end to the lunacy of mass gun violence and the ease at which firearms are obtained, but has been a clear proponent of the Second Amendment and the right of all U.S. citizens to bear arms.
Although his stance has drawn criticism from left-wing pundits like Bill Maher and alike, Obama usually finds himself in the unenviable position of being seen as too punk to get rid of guns and too punk to stiffen laws regulating how they are obtained.
In this instance, the Right went all in on the douchiness and accused Obama of “politicizing” the massacre by visiting the families of the San Bernardino victims.
For whatever reason, the more terrorists kill people, the more guns gun owners tend to purchase and the cycle of violence just keeps on cycling.
In the end, whether they want to admit it or not, Americans carelessly think of only Muslims when they reference “terrorists” but their purchases seem to indicate they know that reality is something quite different.
Anyone who takes a firearm into a public place and begins blasting and killing for no specific reason is a friggin’ terrorist and therefore a filthy douche bag, for our purposes.
So grab your AR-15 and whatever holy book suits you – terrorists, mainly the ones ofting unarmed citizens at parties, work, church, etc…you are the Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bags of the year.
Enjoy your prize and of course our patented vinegar and water spritzer, it’ll make you feel so fresh and so clean before you leave this cold, cruel world.
In conclusion, a gun and the will to kill someone, especially some random, unarmed, person, does not define you as a Muslim, a Christian or a Buddhist. Nope there’s no religion or godliness in murder and to carry forth murder in such as a spectacle only confirms you as one thing – a douche bag.
In fact, y’all were the number one Douche Bags for 2015 – so there’s that…
For all of the senseless slaughter, at least we learned that your type of douche bags are also terrorists, regardless of why you justified killing people. So grab your enema bags and plug them where the sun don’t shine, you murderous, affront to religious principles, cowardly, sociopathic – douches!