Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow "The Douchey McDouche Bag" award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes, there's room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five-minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later, while walking to the other end of the store, I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So, this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin' lot “Douche Bag!!" Hey dickwad - this award Â goes out to you - Douche!!!
The May 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
A few months back we learned of an incident that sounded like something pulled straight from our podcastâ€™s â€œIgnant Newsâ€ segment.
First reports stated armed gunmen rolled up on lines of people gathered at an art event, shots were fired and people died.
On first blush it appeared like another whack-a-doodle day in the great state of Texas, where people carry guns like most of us carry our electronic devices. However, a closer examination showed something far more disturbing.
Admittedly most gunmen are douche bags, but were these the type of douches we ostracize each month at Boom Bap Radio?
Well it took until the merry month of May 2015 for us to learn that sure gunmen suck, especially when they are terrorists, but sometimes only slightly more than their wouldbe targets.
So for the month of May 2015 we shone our cynical spotlight on religious zealots on both the Christian and Muslim side, who seem more than in need of a strong spritz of our patented vinegar and water douche mix.
As it turns out the art show was not only a loose description of the event in Garland, Tx., but also the beginning of a new Conservative trend that places religion on a stage in Wrestlemania fashion and allows its followers to slug it out for the whole world to see.
Thatâ€™s because in May of 2015 zealots joined hands and expanded on the R.E.M. lyric to not only lose religion, but to instead pervert it to a point where the alleged land of religious freedom is now the staging ground for a theological battle that pits Christianity against Islam for no apparent reason.
No, no this ainâ€™t your great, great, great, great, greatâ€¦oh, you see where weâ€™re going.
This ainâ€™t your pappiâ€™s religious crusades â€“ itâ€™s 2015 and the whole â€œmy religionâ€™s better than your religionâ€ thing just became douchey and like that argumentative cousin and your uncle at Thanksgiving, no oneâ€™s in any mood to backdown.
Excuse me, could you pass the peas?
Itâ€™s the Boom Bap Radio May 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award!
An Exhibit of Hate
The Douchefest started taking form when the American Freedom Defense Initiave (AFDI) decided to openly disrespect Muslims and religion by sponsoring a â€œMuhammad Art Exhibit and Contest.â€
The May 3, 2015 incident was sponsored by AFDI, an organization considered a hate group by watch dog organizations like the Southern Poverty Law Center.Â Because itâ€™s pretty widely understood that trying to illustrate the Prophet of Islam is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a Muslim, the gathering made most of us wonder aloud: â€œDonâ€™t these douche bags have anything better to do with their time than provoke people?â€
The answer was resoundingly clear – evidently, not.
The douchey contest drew about 200 blasphemers, all competing to make fun of the face of one of the most popular religions in the world.
The â€œwinnerâ€ of the event received $10,000, for his cartoon of the prophet, which ironically matched the amount the organization had to pay for extra security during the hateful exhibition.
As it turned out, the extra security was necessary, not just because Â 200 people had assembled to hate, but because actual Muslims were so offended by the event, that they hopped in their car and drove over 15 hours to exhibit their displeasure.
Later identified as Elton Simpson and Nadir Soofi, the two were considered terrorists in training, by the U.S. government, but were recognized as full-fledged douche bags for our purposes.
The dynamic duo consisted of one African-American and a partially White American, who evidently had been courting the Islamic State terrorist group for months. The two evidently hatched the attack on the Garland art aficionados while exchanging various text and email messages with known terrorists overseas from their rest in Phoenix, Arizona.
Federal authorities said the attack was engineer by Simpson, who became transfixed on the Texas cartoon douchefest.Â Hours before the event, the two allegedly got all loaded up with guns and ammo before rolling about 1,100 miles to kill infidels at the Curtis Culwell Center.
The Federalis tipped the local police about Simpson and his interest in the event the morning of the attack in Garland. Federal authorities were said to have taken an interest in Simpson beginning in 2006 and as recently as a few monts ago.
The FBI said it recently re-opened its interest in him once he began his internet searches began mixing an interest for jihad with cartoon exhibitions.
Federal authorities allege that Simpsonâ€™s correspondences with almighty ISIS operatives seemed to allude to the attack and may have been a way to pledge his allegiance to the terrorist group.
When Simpson and Soofi began putting the â€œOlâ€™ Fat Juanâ€ on the haters in Garland, they first encountered a security guard, who was wounded once the two attempted to force their way through a barrier outside of the venue.
The heavily armed Simpson and Soofi went down in a hail of gunfire when the police officer on the scene had to grab his gat and go rat-ta-tat-tat.
The two were said to have been donning protective gear and have had a reserve of extra firearms and ammunition in their car at the time of the exchange. Reports indicated those inside the venue were able to continue their douchey hatefest without interruption while authorities blew up Simpson ride â€“ really good.
Artist Bosch Fawstin won the hate groupâ€™s top prize that day by drawing a cartoon depiction of the Prophet shouting â€œYou canâ€™t draw me!â€
As more information became available, we learned that two douches absolutely donâ€™t make a right.
The AFDI, the sponsor of the contest, backs other douchified anti-Islamic efforts like an advertising campaign aimed at hating Muslims purchased by transit systems across the country following a court ruling.
On the other side of the game, ISIS quickly came forth and took credit for the botched terrorist attack on the cartoon art show.
From its official radio station, the highly militarized terror group referred to Simpson and Soofi as â€œAl Khilafaâ€ soldiers and the thwarted attack. The group also threatened more attacks on American soil.
Federal authorities said the two were not thought to have been formally tied to ISIS, but instead were kind of pledging its support to the terror group by attempting to commit a douchey act at the douchefest.
The attack was at least the second religious based terror attack on groups drawing pictures of the Prophet.
As highlighted in our January 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award installment , French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo was attacked by a group of French terrorist also allegedly tied to ISIS.
During that attack nine journalists and cartoonist were shot to death after publishing a cartoon picture of the Prophet on the front of the magazine.
Highlighted by the Hebdo, a mostly right wing fight against Islam has emerged this year as the ISIS militant organization continued to battle Coalition forces in the area of Iraq and Turkey.
The group, once referred to as the â€œJV teamâ€ by the administration and President Barack Obama, has become the pre-eminent face of radicalized Islam. Dressed in black uniforms with AK-47â€™s, the group is allegedly well funded and has utilzed all forms of social media to get out their messages of hate and intolerance for non-Muslims.
Similar to their predecessors in Al-Queda and the Taliban, the group looks to take control of areas withÂ Theocractic governments in the region formerly run by monarchs, tyrants and sketchy goverments. The group has become known for their killing of hostages and tourists by gunpoint and beheading as well as recruitment of Americans to join their cause.
Reviled by governments across North America and Europe, domestic resistance has wrong-headedly focused on the religion worshipped by ISIS – Islam.
Ultra liberal talk show host Bill Maher has spoken out against Islam and ConservativesÂ have taken it to the next level by sponsoring events that openly disrespect worshippers like the Garland, Texas cartoon competition held by the AFDI and its founder Conservative blogger Pamela Geller.
Oh, That â€˜itch?
Geller, who has been fighting to place anti-Muslim bus and subway ads across America, turned her attention to lampooning a religious icon earlier in the month with the Texas cartoon contest.
Douchey to the end, Geller paid $750,000 to run hateful ads against Islam in transit systems in San Francisco, New York, Boston and Miami, Chicago and Washington D.C. Gellerâ€™s ads were countered by each local transit system, whih paid for counter ads.Â A recent District Court ruling in Pennsylvania allowed the ads featuring Hitler and equating him to Islamic leaders, are now cleared to run in the City of Brotherly Love.
For all of her work, the cartoon contests and ads have put Geller right where she wanted to be â€“ in the middle of the media spotlight . Her efforts have also landed her on the vaunted hit list of ISIS, which literally plans to collect her head.
As Gellerâ€™s hateful propaganda seemed to bring the matters to a predictable end in Garland, Texas, the Â douchey harangue of hate marched on and continued to trample religious freedoms. By months end hate moved northwest and into the desert in Arizona.
Ainâ€™t the devil happy.
Here We Go Again
As the month ended, the battle royal over religion set a new stage in Phoenix, Arizona where a collection of haters that included skinheads, bikers and Muslims set up battle lines outside a Mosque Â for their next face-off.
Led by former Marine Jon Ritzheimer the â€œFreedom Rallyâ€ was held outside the mosque where the two Texas gunmen attended. Groups like Bikers Against Radical Islam (BARI) joined with Ritzheimer who was resplendid in hisÂ â€œF#*k Islamâ€ shirt
In true disrespectful, douche bag fashion, Ritzheimer and his fellow protesters began the rally outside of The Islamic Community Center of Phoenix just in time for prayer. Fortunately a strong police presence and dozens of counter protestors saved the event from meandering down a violent and destructive path.
Ritzheimer , who somehow urging bikers to arm themselves and descend upon a place of worship as a free speech issue and not an intolerable act against religious freedom. He set the protest off with an inflammatory posting on the eventâ€™s Facebook page:
â€œ(sic)Â This Islamic Community Center is a known place that the 2 terrorists frequented,â€ he wrote on the page. â€œPeople are also encouraged to utilize there second amendment right at this event just incase our first amendment comes under the much anticipated attack.â€
Those not so tolerant of the religion and the freedom of those wishing to worship it had already sent threatening letters to the mosque congregants after learning of the exploits of Simpson and Soofi.
However, the Muslim community would have more real concerns days later when Boston authorities arrested Nicholas Rovinski, 24, of Rhode Island and David Wright, 25, of Massachusetts for making plans to behead Pamela Geller all in the name of ISIS.
Wrightâ€™s uncle Usaamah Abdullah Rahim, who was also allegedly involved in the plot, was shot dead by police when he was confronted by authorities.
Police alleged Rahim instructed Wright, who is named: Dawud Sharif Abdul Khaliq and Rovinski, who is also known named: Nuh al Andalusi, to prepare their wills and wipe their mobile devices clean before embarking on the mission to kill Geller.Â The trio were also expected to later begin attacking police in Massachusetts.
The 26-year-old Rahim began the attack on the â€œboys in blueâ€ a little earlier than anticipated when police rolled up on him on. After brandishing a knife, he was shot to death in a parking lot.
Abdul Khaliq and Andalusi face 15 years in federal prison for trying to provide materials to the Islamic State.
Authorities later arrested a third man and tied him to the attack in Garland, Tx. Attacks on civilians have gone on to occur all across the globe and many of those are alleged to be tied to ISIS/ISIL or the Islamic State.
It makes you long for the villains in the old movies, who would appear on a screen at the United Nations, pet their cat, be it hairless or fluffy, and demand a stupendous amount of cash or there would be reprecussions.
Today, those creating mayhem make no demands, ask for no money and haphazardously target large groups of people for no good reason other than to inflict harm and spread fear.
Unfortunately, this appears to be only the beginning of what will be a long protracted battle to stop terrorists from terrorizing civilians and that even includes noodkniks like Pamela Geller.
For all of the hate she spreads and all of the acclaim she appears to desire, Geller has a right to free speech in this country. We may not like or agree with what she says and how she goes about expressing it, but in our society she has a right to do what she does, no matter how offensive.
On the other hand, free speech obviously is not without its consequences and by continuing to disrespect anyoneâ€™s religion brings the possibility that some zealot will have an extreme reaction and turn the love that worship is supposed to bring, into hate and violence.
In a country founded on religious freedom , the first two amendments of the rebel constitution revolved around freedom of speech and the right to carry a firearm in order to maintain that religious freedom.
And here we are almost 250 years later basterdizing all of what was sacred in the 18th century for the world to see.
Ironically, Geller and her adversaries have one thing in common. Both sides, be it the Rightwing haters or religious extremists will go to great lengths to promote themselves and their cause.Â Both sides seem to crave death in the hopes of some degree of martyrdom and Â both sides have no respect or tolerance for the concept of religious freedom.
In the end hate actually does beget hate.
So hereâ€™s to you religious zealots. You on both the Christian and Muslim sides have won Boom Bap Radioâ€™s May 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award.
All the disrespectful billboards and intolerable attempts to kill those who blasphamere your specific religious beliefs is beyond douchey. Itâ€™s downright disgusting â€“ life is precious.
So hereâ€™s to both sides, enjoy your prize and try not to kill anyone in the process. You intolerable, disdainful, terroristic â€“ Douche Bags!!!