Each month we at Boom Bap Radio will bestow the award of “The Douchey McDouche Bag” award on the biggest dickheads in the news. This category is not limited to politicians or entertainers or even athletes – there’s room for everyone on this bench.
However, each month one person stands out as the absolute winner of our coveted prize.
The award is based on the name I gave a menial worker from a big box department store, who insisted that my item was no longer in stock without looking. This douche actually made me order the item online and had a whole five minute explanation of why the product was not available days after Christmas. Evidently it was shipped back to some remote warehouse – over the hills and far, far away.
Imagine my surprise when about an hour later –while walking to the other end of the store I found piles of my item, neatly stacked and very much available.
So this one goes out to that collared shirt wonder, who obviously knew nothing, but before he knew a whole friggin’ lot –Douche Bag!! Hey dickwad - this award goes out to you – You Douche!!!
Historic Political Douchery And Activism in the Courts
The February 2015 Douchey McDouche Bag Award
As the year began and the sun rose on the un-official start of the “Silly Season,” there was little doubt that the entire country was going to get a huge dose of partisan politics and plenty of it.
By February the GOP began openly vetting candidates for a presidential run in 2016 and the primary season was beginning. Soon CPAC would convene and we knew, politics would ultimately fill caucus states with the putrid aroma of philosophical takes on the way democracy is meted out.
So how, oh how could politics work its way into the courts in Pennsylvania, Texas and our collective hearts?
It would take a douche bag to pull that off.
How can the courts be political?
That question was handily answered by U.S. District Court Judge Andrew S. Hanen from the Southern District of Texas and was – “coming straight out of Brownsville!”
On February 16, 2015, Hanen brought douchiness to the judiciary by thwarting a plan put in motion by an executive order from U.S. President Barack Obama. Under the President’s plan, more than 5 million immigrants, who are undocumented and already here, would be protected from deportation for three years.
Hanen’s ruling solidified an action by former Texas Attorney General and current Lone Star State Governor Gregg Abbott, who led a coalition of states to fight the November 2014 expansion of a federal law protecting undocumented workers from deportation.
Last year’s action was an outgrowth of a law Obama signed into action back in 2012. Dubbed the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or (DACA) gave deportation protections to undocumented immigrants who came to the United States as children. The older law was expanded in 2014 by the White House and angry GOP Congress members vowed to flex their collective muscles to halt a historic Presidential over-reach by Obama.
Abbott and the 24 other states including: Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Louisiana, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Mississippi and Maine, held that the President “abdicating his responsibility to faithfully enforce the laws that were duly enacted by Congress and attempting to rewrite immigration laws, which he has no authority to do.”
An estimated 300,000 additional people would have been covered under the expanded rules unveiled by the White House in November of 2014. The Department of Homeland Security was expected to begin accepting applications from eligible people beginning on Feb. 18, but good ol’ Judge “Oh Hell No” changed all of that with his ruling.
Judicial Activism ?
Hanen’s ruling was the most direct action taken to enforce what has been a boilerplate component of the Conservative political platform. Conservative Congress members and presidential candidates have opposed all possible avenues that would make changes to America’s inconsistent laws on immigration.
Way back in 1999, the concept of amnesty for undocumented Americans was explored by then unlikely presidential challenger and Texas Gov. George W. Bush.
Once Bush shocked the world and former Vice President Al Gore, he was forced to fall in line with party ideals and the concept of citizenship for the undocumented became a discarded position for moderate Conservatives. Matters got even more absolute for the GOP mindset on the Immigration issue when border patrols were bolstered and thoughts of a great wall along the Texas/Mexico were bandied about.
In 2005 Jim Gilchrist and his Minuteman movement ratched up citizen patrols along the border and it was on and popping for those looking to stop the flow of illegal immigrants into the country. U.S. Border Patrols were praised and expanded as the climate of paranoia grew and the flow of immigrants into the U.S. waned.
By the time Obama won the presidency in 2008, all was fair in the stemming the alleged tide of Immigrants into America.
Even Barry O, who ran on fixing the Immigration laws, was dubbed the “Deporter and Chief” by the critics as his administration presided over the deportation of more than 2 million undocumented people from 2009 to 2013. The Congressional Hispanic Congress (CHC) urged Obama to use and Executive Order to expand protections for the children of undocumented immigrants after calls for changes in the federal laws were pushed during the 2012 presidential election.
The Presidential orders worked as Obama sweep to a second term, but when it appeared expansion of the DACA was afoot, a douchey ruling was handed down in December of 2014 and began an unprecedented action that seemed to strike a victory for Conservative principles in the Age of Obama.
In December 2014 a Pennsylvania federal judge targeted Obama’s actions and deemed the Executive Orders “unconstitutional,” while presiding over a criminal matter involving an immigrant from Honduras.
U.S. District Court Judge Arthur J. Schwab ruled that Elionardo Juarez-Escobar unlawfully re-entered the country after being arrested earlier that year for drunken driving. An appointee of President George W. Bush, Schwab said Obama’s Executive Action violated the separation of powers and gives a wide swath of undocumented individuals “substantive rights.”
The White House stated the President’s action obviously applied only to civil matters and not felonies.
In the end, the Pennsylvania ruling was not enough to stop what Conservatives saw as improper use of the prosecutorial discretion and deemed it instead Presidential over-reach.
Judge Hanen’s ruling sided with 25 other states which challenged Obama’s Executive Action and furthered the court’s role by stating the move imposed major burdens on the states by increasing illegal immigration and overburdening state budget. In addition, the President’s action was said to have not followed required constitutional rules and it changed the federal rules without Congress.
Hanen’s ruling halted Obama’s attempt to provide protection for 5 million from deportation. Obama vowed to appeal the ruling and Latino advocates panned the unprecedented judicial ruling as breaking up families.
Mystery of Da Chess Boxing
As what appeared to be a Conservative judiciary dug in its heels to stop a Liberal concept at all costs, ironically by losing, Obama was able to get a win among the largest growing population in the country.
By advancing changes in the federal law from the executive office, Obama simultaneously showed the strength of his chess game, catered to CHC and is handing the Democrats a considerable advantage for the upcoming 2016 election.
In some political circles, Obama made his move to influence the 2016 presidential election back in 2012 with the passage of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. The move protected newly arriving children from deportation and was immediately a cause for concern for those opposing “amnesty” for undocumented citizens.
A Texas lawsuit challenges this provision as contributing to a surge in illegal immigrants by ignoring current laws against immigration. The only problem is the theoretical surge simply never occurred.
The second move of the Grand Master occurred January of this year when Obama asked Congress to normalize relations with Cuba 53-years after imposing an embargo on the Communist island nation.
The move probably met with cheers from those who were able to sneak onto the nearby country like Jay Z, Beyonce and Sean Penn, but also probably skads of local multi-billion dollar corporations, like Coca-Cola and Apple, who already sell their wares in Communist empires like Vietnam and China, but not the nation just off the shores of Florida.
Obama appeared to know this would not only dangle a carrot to American entrepreneurs, but also drove a subtle wedge between their political interests and their unquenchable pursuit of money and power.
So what does this all have to do with 2016?
From where we sit, it’s an exacting two step into a political dance that sought to separate Conservatives from the gains they’d celebrated in 2000 when George W. Bush was elected president.
By forcing Republicans to choose a side in an aggressive action, it defined for them their role in upcoming debates with the largest growing ethnic group in the country. The move also forced the un-whiting GOP into the black hat and twisty mustache before they knew what hit them.
Both moves championed two previously un-thought of resources that can increase voter rolls in the future with the face of innocent victims: undocumented children and a nation starving for the American brand of “freedom” and unchecked Capitalism.
The next masterful move came a month later when the administration further loosened the embargo in Cuba, the move allowed those capable of traveling to the island nation to bring back a small amount of goods, use their American credit cards in Cuba and the money shot was allowing insurance companies, banks and investment firms to invest in the nation.
This master stroke placed dangerous front-runner Jeb Bush in a bad light with hardliners in their party, highlighted the GOP’s propensity to not compromise and also submarined both Latinos in the race Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.
Did I just hear someone say, “check mate?”
Maybe it was “game, set, match?”
In fact, all he had to do was sit back and wait for Republicans to do what they do.
Seemingly moments later the desired action took place when hizzoner held up an executive action that would have given protection to 5 million people, many of them who have voting parents and know that “Obama tried” to help them out.
All three candidates who could have tapped into that decisive new voter base, be it Bush, Cruz or Rubio, all openly chose to ignore their hue and cry to remain in contention with their party’s marching orders. By turning its back on their own constituents, GOP candidates with Latin roots may have given away something that could have been an marked advantage before the election – a brilliant move.
So sometimes in the middle of douchefest there is a silver lining.
So here’s to you GOP and all of those Conservative thinkers who have continued to drub a voting base you controlled just 15-years ago – thanks.
You and the Mr. Judgey Judge have won the battle, but jeopardized the war.
Sure you initially have stalled a move to protect 5 million people who are already here and their children, who will vote and go to school here now and in the future, but what have you done to damage the recent connection your opponents have made with the fastest growing part of the American population?
In addition, by using the judiciary to make the point, you may have made history and used your big guns too soon. In doing so, only history will tell if you have sealed the fate of your party before it even began.
But you know what else you did?
You won the February 2015 Boom Bap Radio Douchey McDouche Bag Award too.
So enjoy your prize, you elitist, out of step with the rest of the country, thirsty, judicially active – douches!!